The Freaking F Word!

Happy Monday! I hope everyone is doing well and enjoyed their Valentine’s Day! Although I didn’t have a Valentine I did have a date with myself and Monica Van Daneede who hosted a Valentine’s webinar on “Contentment and Singleness.” It was pretty awesome and you should check her out . She is an amazing woman of God, with a blog and Periscope that always offers great God filled content. But back my blog and as promised, I told you we would get into that F-word!

What is Forgiveness?

So, just laying some ground work in the action of forgiveness. It is defined as the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, lets go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well.  One of the immediate things I began to work on after my last break up was forgiveness. The last thing I wanted was to have hatred towards a person that would leave a negative blemish in my heart. I would like to say I can be "pretty good with the F-Word, maybe 7 out of 10...depends on the person. Random thought, do you find it harder to forgive family then people that aren't blood? Ok, let me continue, we can circle back to that.

Forgiving doesn’t mean you have to...

When we forgive, it doesn’t mean forgetting, condoning or excusing offenses.  Forgiving my ex didn’t mean I was excusing the verbal and emotional abuse that I had accepted in that relationship. Also forgiving someone doesn’t mean you are condoning their behavior or even that you must reconcile the relationship. I am completely content with never having a friendship with my ex again. There are times where we have to recognize actions and behavior of an individual that are completely unhealthy for us and them. Therefore, some things are just better not rehashed or relived.  We should never expose ourselves to people, places, things that don’t ultimately bring us to a positive result.  That means purging and moving forward!

Why is it important we forgive?

Forgive for a sound mind!! Have you ever noticed how forgiving someone just brought peace of mind? When you forgive, you are able to release those feelings of depression, anger, resentment and replace them with gratefulness, love and happiness. And forgiving those that have wronged me allowed me to appreciate the good characteristics about that person. Let’s face it, none of us are perfect and we all have good qualities within us. 

Walking in unforgiveness we tend to focus on all the negative, but once you forgive you can revisit the situation from a totally different perspective. Looking back in my previous relationship I can now appreciate all the great experiences I was exposed to during that commitment. We had amazing weekend family activities with our kids, a lovely trip to Miami, a great weekend in the mountains and just lots of fun! Everything wasn’t bad and I could only take that in when I implemented forgiveness.

And did you know that unforgiveness can manifest as poison within your body? Various studies have shown holding grudges effects our immune system.  It's been linked to cancer! This is serious. We have to let go of things and release them so that our body can function in a healthy space and we can fend off negativity such as depression. 

But what happens when you don’t forgive yourself? That has been my biggest issue the last couple of months. I didn’t realize it at first.  I was so focused on forgiving the wrongs that had been done to me and ensuring I held no resentment towards that person. I was interceding for them in prayer every night, wishing them nothing but continued blessings in their life. But I was still struggling with my depression, till one night I found myself crying out to God as I prayed, asking him once again to heal me of my depression. To give me beauty for my ashes and that’s when God said,” Well not until you forgive yourself Sharonda.” I just sat there with my tears and my pain and I realized, I didn’t like myself. 

And that clearly sets me up for my next blog on working towards "Forgiving Ourselves."  I want to further tell my story regarding the resentment I had built up towards myself due to my own actions and delve into why we don’t forgive ourselves and later get into some steps I have had to take to move into the direction of self-forgiveness. 

What are some things that you have had to let go of to move into a positive space lately? 

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P.S. If you are not in immediate danger because of thoughts of suicide, but need someone to talk with about your suicidal feelings, please do not hesitate to call one of the following national suicide prevention lines: 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) or 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).