Honesty...a Relationship Worth Saving

How many times do we ask for honesty in a relationship?  The absence of honesty is normally that deal breaker or leads to an event that causes friction or ends a relationship. Yet, have you ever consider how honest you are with yourself? Let's be "honest"...how many of us avoid honesty when it comes to ourselves?  It's like we make a concerted effort to live a lie, even when the lie will not benefit us in the end! Crazy right? So, we won't accept lies from others, family, and more, but we will lie to ourselves.

In Chapter 1 of Uninvited, the author taps into how we fear honesty because we are afraid of "honesty's intention to expose and hurt us" so it gives us those mental signals of "danger, danger." But the truth is...our relationship with honesty is worth saving. When we are honest with ourselves we are able to discover those areas of misalignment, like dealing with the spirit of rejection. And when we identify and conquer the root of those areas of misalignment, we are put in the position to heal, develop a strong relationship with God and live a purpose driven life!. "Honesty isn't trying to hurt me. It's trying to heal me."

Let's think about that...there are so many situations where we will be in a relationship, whether friendship or dating and when it turns sour we will look back on signals we chose to ignore. The character attributes, behavior, personality cues and more that a person showed us and we neglected. We chose to create a facade of all the good things that we thought a person brought into our lives totally removing the downward spiral that was possible.


Is it time to renew you relationship with honesty? Whether its in poor habits, studying, eating, working, etc. it's time for truth serum. Date honesty, open the door for transparency and give it permission to reveal to you those areas of misalignment in your life so that you can began to implement a better strategy to get back on track. Personally, I know that if I just took the time to focus and eliminated distractions, i.e. Netflix, tv, randomness, I would be so much better for it in my blogging, my photography, my homeschooling of my child, even my work as an employee in my full-time job.


I challenge you this week to pursue honest moments with yourself. Start small and look at those truth you try to avoid. Be honest with yourself, just as you expect others to be honest with you, because then and only then will you align those areas in your life that are off. Going through the motions and ignoring what's happening doesn't lead to better results. A matter of fact, that could simply lead to the same results and then we have madness, then anxiety, then depression...must I go on? That relationship with honesty, so worth saving especially when you consider the path it can guide you towards.

I dare you to fall in love with honesty this week...

Please visit the Lovelee Motivation Facebook Page or Lovelee Motivation IG page to receive daily motivations and inspiration.

Rejection...The Push I Needed

My inconsistency with this blog always gives me an aching feeling of failure and anxiety. That feeling feeds into procrastination, which initiates a relationship with some random Netflix series that truly test my ability to commit, and through this commitment I am left with no action on the blog and oh yeah, not so cool statements like "You're such a failure" and "You're so lazy!" and "Gotham is a really cool series, who knew all of those Batman characters came from these random plots!" 

Yet, the nudge from God to do something with this Lovelee Motivation blog will not go away. When I get in my prayer closet and I sit there waiting for Him to lay some amazing Jeremiah 29:11 plans into my lap, this freaking blog is always dropped first. Then God's microphone. He then probably does "The Woah" back to his throne, while he rolls his eyes. Because see God has patiently been telling me this blog was a priority for years. (Side note: I won't leave you there to wonder."The Woah" is some dance my child just told me about that I had to educate myself on via YouTube. Let Google be your guiding light to Woah discovery.) 

I have always made blogging a chore or an in-the-way item and prioritized it behind really important things like "Gotham, The Good People and Iron Fist Season 2 (Because I was psyched to watch Danny Rand whine about the privilege and responsibility placed on his life)." Ok, refocusing, that was a squirrel moment...but I was not using the blog in the way God intended. It was supposed to strengthen my communication with God as He used me as a touchpoint on topics that had affected me and my human ways of dealing with them, both successfully at times and not so much in others.

As we embark on the last 90 days of the year, I felt it would be really cool to finally be obedient to God regarding the Lovelee Motivation blog, while at the same time using this as an amazing 90 day challenge to create some stronger blogging habits. So you can expect a weekly blog from me over the next 90 days, and for some reason I feel really confident to say the blogs may come more than once a week. But the promise to you and myself is a weekly post on a topic pretty near and dear to me.

I read this amazing book a couple of months ago entitled, Uninvited: Living Loved When You Feel Less Than, Left Out and Lonely, by Lysa TerKeurst and it truly touched my life. It just so happens that I will be digging into this book again for a book club I recently started. Therefore, why not use my blog to  speak into each chapter from my perspective? So, you can look forward to a blog from me each week! Ya me. I'm slightly excited. Actually really excited, because I know I am going to enjoy this ride into a topic close to my heart. Who knew rejection could push me into commitment?! Well, God probably did...I am sure He knew. But who else? 

Back to the book! I really loved this book and the storytelling from Lysa, as she spoke of her battle with the Spirit of Rejection. That is truly the story of my life. I can't tell you how many projects I have not completed, posts I haven't posted, blogs I haven't shared, challenges I haven't met and relationships that I have failed in, simply because of the fear of rejection. The Spirit of Rejection makes me say things like "I'm independent, I'm a Loner, I don't need lots of friends" and then follow up with actions that strongly support all of those ridiculous statements. The truth being I love people, I love friends and I would love to be in a relationship, but to avoid the rejection of others I will usually do things that don't reflect the energy I would like in return.

Like right now I am really working on not blocking people. I know right? What grown person blocks people. This one does! Right here. If you say something I don't like, or that hurts my feelings, my first instinct is to block you so that I don't have to interact or see anymore texts from you. Also, it protects me from the texts that never come. Like what if you do something that hurts my feelings and you never even follow up to see if I am ok or tell me sorry? Well if you're blocked I will never know if  you did or did not try. Totally protected! Right?

Rejection will have you creating lies in your head that were never said. It will have you defining your value based on the comments of others. It will leave you feeling lonely, broken, unlovable, and unworthy...ALL LIES! But this story starts with us and must end with us. See rejection is rooted in negative self talk which is usually attributed to some situation or event in your life. I know I can pinpoint mine to not really being liked in school when I was younger and excluded by others because I was such a tomboy at a private school, which led to me being a little bully (another story for another day.) But being rejected by the only 4-5 black girls that attended my private school left me putting on this hard exterior at the tender age of 7. Only to enter public school and be picked on by kids of my own race, again,  because I spoke too proper.  The ignorance of it all. So see, my rejection started early, but it lead to my relationship with perfectionism and then unsustainable relationships with friends and men I dated.

Uninvited gave me 3 extremely important and very true statements to counteract my negative self-talk. God is good. Good is good to me. I can trust God to be God. With those statements rooted in my soul I can Live Loved. And when you "Live Loved" you don't have to look for validation from others, because it's deep inside of you. I look forward to you joining me on this journey as we tackle the Spirit of Rejection and learn to love ourselves so that we can show others how to love us!

So there it is...my lackluster relationship with rejection can actually be the push I have been needing to be obedient to God. Whoa! That's interesting...Join me and hopefully we can get some really good conversation going and help each other tackle that "Spirit of Rejection!" And also teeter with the idea of how all rejection isn't bad, but it's not letting those moments of rejection define our value. 

Please visit the Lovelee Motivation Facebook Page or Lovelee Motivation IG page to receive daily motivations and inspiration.

Consistency Challenge Reboot #Dr Sims #ConsistencyChallenge

Long time no blog!!! So, I will keep this short, because it's rather late and I didn't plan to blog at 1 a.m. on a Saturday, but hey when God encourages you to do something you should do it! "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but an habit." Monday I started a consistency challenge, because I needed to sleep people. I was CONSISTENTLY starving myself of rest and my body was suffering. When your body suffers your mind suffers, your behavior suffers, your commitment suffers, your productivity, your creativity. I just needed a reboot!

So, with the encouragement of my Life Coach Dr. Walter Sims I chose to be in bed by 10 p.m. every night, read a small devotion, followed by sleep by 10:30. I did that until today, which was a bit intentional. I can actually work late on Friday nights because I don't have to wake up at 4 a.m. to get to work by 6 a.m.. With all that being said, consistency has truly resonated with me these past 5 days. What I found was in an effort to be consistent I was really restrictive of my schedule and my time and what got my focus. I also allowed myself to not do it all. It was a true moment of self love and I felt it. I really felt the difference. 

Take the challenge, pick ONE THING, that you will do consistently for 7 days. I know, I know, the rule of thumb is it takes 21 days to create a habit, but just start with 7. And can I just say, sleep was my focus, but it turned into devotion, time with God, creating beautiful image quotes for Lovelee Motivation again, all from sleep! So, don't get caught up with "I only picked one thing, I need to do 3." I can promise you that one thing, will catapult into more and you will take a step back and see that it wasn't just ONE THING! It's Saturday, do this ONE THING for yourself. Lol. Love yourself and be consistent. 

Enjoy your weekend! Hopefully with consistency I will be back with more eventful blogs in the coming days. 

Are You Failing at Your Future?

Happy Thursday!!! I hope your week had an amazing start and that you are walking in it consciously and aware of your purpose. Going through the motions can suck, but when you have a plan and a strategy, it creates such clarity. Last week I dealt with a topic that had been a struggle for me and that was self-forgiveness. My ability to not forgive myself stemmed from events in my life that I held on to as my identity instead of something that happened. As humans we can do that, we can allow a mistake to define who we are instead of moving forward. We allow our experiences to dictate our future which can lead to poor decisions in relationships, careers, life, and our future in general.

It's so imperative that we heal from this way of thinking. God doesn't hold on to our sins, he forgives us immediately. We have to believe in our future, let go of our past and stay mindful of the present. Depression and anxiety is a result of living in the past. Yet, the past is the past. If we are present and operating in what is happening right now, today, not that relationship from 3 months ago, but today, not that poor career decision we made a few years ago, we are no longer bound to our past. We are able to look and believe we have a great future.

Letting go of the past does require acknowledgement and acceptance of your responsibility in what happened, but once you have achieved this, the sky is the limit! You are now able to freely focus on your future without confusion. Because when we are bound by our past its difficult to create a plan or a strategy, as we are basing our future on our past experiences. When you have an opportunity, take some time and really identify some of the things from your past that are holding you hostage. I have things I deal with till this day such as perfectionism, rejection, and abandonment. By making myself aware of those things, accepting that I have been holding on to them and intentionally working to release them, that has allowed my future to become so much brighter. It's left little room for depression because I haven't focused on what was, but what is to come!

Hold on to hope for your future, not the darkness and emptiness of your past. In 
Jeremiah 29:11, we are told that God is aware of his plans for us, plans of hope. "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Therefore, don't exclude God from your plans. He promises to prosper us!! That's so exciting to know that God wants us to have a prosperous life!! And as stated in Psalms 25:3, by placing hope in Him, we will never be put to shame.

Finish the week off strong with a sense of hope! Don't quit, don't give up, and don't write off your future with an F+! Deal with your past, let go of it, appreciate your present, and have hope in your future!

Until next time, stay motivated, stay positive, and trust God!
Please visit the Lovelee Motivation Facebook Page or Lovelee Motivation IG page to receive daily motivations and inspiration.

P.S. If you are not in immediate danger because of thoughts of suicide, but need someone to talk with about your suicidal feelings, please do not hesitate to call one of the following national suicide prevention lines: 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) or 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).

Self Love, Got Some?

Happy Hump Day!! We are half way through the week and I am feeling pretty pumped. Why am I so pumped? Uh, because I am like living, breathing, moving through the world with a sound mind! I get excited when I think about where I was mentally and emotionally 3-4 months ago in comparison to right now! 

I left off in my last blog touching on that awakening moment where I realized that I hadn't forgiven myself, which was leading to my depression. Picking back up from that place, I had been working on truly submitting to God, being more obedient with my time and my heart and listening when He would speak in my life. I was interceding diligently for my ex, a relationship that at the time I felt had left me broken. There was some verbal, mental and emotional abuse in that relationship which had left an imprint on my heart. Yet, my goal was to forgive and pray through that situation. I didn't want that relationship to be what would mark me from having a successful relationship in the future. I hadn't given up on love!

So, one night as I was on my knees, in my prayer closet, in true submission to God, I became so upset, because I had been praying and interceding for this person and I was still depressed. I wanted good things for them even though they were continuing to take actions that were devastating and hurtful to me and my finances. I cried out to God and asked Him why He wouldn't heal me from this pain and He told me so clearly, it's because I hadn't forgiven myself. 

That statement was so true and words so clear, that I literally just stopped crying. It was like the scenario of the toddler having a tantrum for candy, then when you give it to them they are immediately placed in a calm state. I hadn't forgiven myself. I was extremely angry with myself. I was so mad for choosing THAT person and going down THAT road.  A moment of transparency here: I met this person in April 2015 and in May 2015 God was VERY CLEAR that this person was not right for me. He was so clear that I wrote it in my journal, but you know what I did? I humanized it and explained it away. I told myself what God meant was…this relationship wouldn't work if I didn't change things about myself and this person didn't change things about themselves. I made it doable in my head. That wasn't fair for the other person, as they didn't know those plans and the expectations I had placed on them to fix some of the hurtful things they were doing in the relationship. 

What was happening was that I was so busy trying to meet a personal timeline of what I wanted in my life, that I failed to see that God knew what I needed. So, here I was now in January 2016, on my knees, heart broken, soul broken, mentally drained, completely pissed at myself for making that decision and I didn’t forgive myself. I was allowing this failed situation to define my identity, instead of looking at it as a failed event in my life. Why? Why was I taken this so hard? Because I didn't understand my worth. I didn't love myself. 

One of the most momentous and valuable decisions you can ever make in your life is discovering your worth and having an all encompassing love for yourself. I don't mean the love that involves a huge ego and arrogance. But the love where you love yourself through your mistakes, your flaws, your imperfections and also all the amazingly awesome things about yourself. I wasn't at that place with myself and when you aren't there, this affects so many facets of your life. It shows up in the quality of our relationships, career, faith and more. That's what had happened to me. I had accepted an abusive relationship because I thought I wasn't worthy of being with someone who spoke to me with respect. I thought, this person is so financially sound and will love my children unconditionally, so the least I can do is accept the flaws about them, because no one is perfect. 

Unfortunately it isn't that easy, because when we compromise love and respect for ourselves so many things suffer. We lose ourselves, we lose our purpose, we began to numb ourselves by shutting down. We lose our minds! Then before you know it, we are using medications to fix things that should be dealt with through the process of elimination. So, that night, on my knees, I knew I had work to do and Operation Learn to Love Myself began.

So, how do we began to work through that? How do we learn to love ourselves? First, we have to have a discovery period of what got us to this place. That means taking some time and looking at our past, from childhood issues, old beliefs and thoughts, as well as past events. Next, we have to escape the comparison trap. Society has placed this subconscious pressure on us to deliver the best on all these social media platforms. We find ourselves defining our worth based on materials, status, youth, money, attractiveness and romantic relationships. Finally, we have to shift our perspective. Again, not letting failures define our identity, but finding the value in the experience. 

God wants us to be happy and successful, yet we place limits on Him through the creation of our own timelines and expectations! We have to get excited about our future, understand our purpose and not be bound to our past. God promised to give us beauty for our ashes and it's our job to trust Him and know that the Best IS YET TO COME! 

If you are dealing with a lack of self-love I hope this blog was able to help you lay the ground work in building that love up for yourself. Remember that hurt people, hurt people. Therefore, make it your job to heal you so that you are able to present yourself wholly in your friendships, career, romantic relationship, etc.. 

Until next time, stay motivated, stay positive, and trust God! 

Please visit the Lovelee Motivation Facebook Page or Lovelee Motivation IG page to receive daily motivations and inspiration.

P.S. If you are not in immediate danger because of thoughts of suicide, but need someone to talk with about your suicidal feelings, please do not hesitate to call one of the following national suicide prevention lines: 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) or 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).

The Freaking F Word!

Happy Monday! I hope everyone is doing well and enjoyed their Valentine’s Day! Although I didn’t have a Valentine I did have a date with myself and Monica Van Daneede who hosted a Valentine’s webinar on “Contentment and Singleness.” It was pretty awesome and you should check her out . She is an amazing woman of God, with a blog and Periscope that always offers great God filled content. But back my blog and as promised, I told you we would get into that F-word!

What is Forgiveness?

So, just laying some ground work in the action of forgiveness. It is defined as the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, lets go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well.  One of the immediate things I began to work on after my last break up was forgiveness. The last thing I wanted was to have hatred towards a person that would leave a negative blemish in my heart. I would like to say I can be "pretty good with the F-Word, maybe 7 out of 10...depends on the person. Random thought, do you find it harder to forgive family then people that aren't blood? Ok, let me continue, we can circle back to that.

Forgiving doesn’t mean you have to...

When we forgive, it doesn’t mean forgetting, condoning or excusing offenses.  Forgiving my ex didn’t mean I was excusing the verbal and emotional abuse that I had accepted in that relationship. Also forgiving someone doesn’t mean you are condoning their behavior or even that you must reconcile the relationship. I am completely content with never having a friendship with my ex again. There are times where we have to recognize actions and behavior of an individual that are completely unhealthy for us and them. Therefore, some things are just better not rehashed or relived.  We should never expose ourselves to people, places, things that don’t ultimately bring us to a positive result.  That means purging and moving forward!

Why is it important we forgive?

Forgive for a sound mind!! Have you ever noticed how forgiving someone just brought peace of mind? When you forgive, you are able to release those feelings of depression, anger, resentment and replace them with gratefulness, love and happiness. And forgiving those that have wronged me allowed me to appreciate the good characteristics about that person. Let’s face it, none of us are perfect and we all have good qualities within us. 

Walking in unforgiveness we tend to focus on all the negative, but once you forgive you can revisit the situation from a totally different perspective. Looking back in my previous relationship I can now appreciate all the great experiences I was exposed to during that commitment. We had amazing weekend family activities with our kids, a lovely trip to Miami, a great weekend in the mountains and just lots of fun! Everything wasn’t bad and I could only take that in when I implemented forgiveness.

And did you know that unforgiveness can manifest as poison within your body? Various studies have shown holding grudges effects our immune system.  It's been linked to cancer! This is serious. We have to let go of things and release them so that our body can function in a healthy space and we can fend off negativity such as depression. 

But what happens when you don’t forgive yourself? That has been my biggest issue the last couple of months. I didn’t realize it at first.  I was so focused on forgiving the wrongs that had been done to me and ensuring I held no resentment towards that person. I was interceding for them in prayer every night, wishing them nothing but continued blessings in their life. But I was still struggling with my depression, till one night I found myself crying out to God as I prayed, asking him once again to heal me of my depression. To give me beauty for my ashes and that’s when God said,” Well not until you forgive yourself Sharonda.” I just sat there with my tears and my pain and I realized, I didn’t like myself. 

And that clearly sets me up for my next blog on working towards "Forgiving Ourselves."  I want to further tell my story regarding the resentment I had built up towards myself due to my own actions and delve into why we don’t forgive ourselves and later get into some steps I have had to take to move into the direction of self-forgiveness. 

What are some things that you have had to let go of to move into a positive space lately? 

Please visit the Lovelee Motivation Facebook Page or Lovelee Motivation IG page to receive daily motivations and inspiration.

P.S. If you are not in immediate danger because of thoughts of suicide, but need someone to talk with about your suicidal feelings, please do not hesitate to call one of the following national suicide prevention lines: 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) or 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).