Rejection...The Push I Needed

My inconsistency with this blog always gives me an aching feeling of failure and anxiety. That feeling feeds into procrastination, which initiates a relationship with some random Netflix series that truly test my ability to commit, and through this commitment I am left with no action on the blog and oh yeah, not so cool statements like "You're such a failure" and "You're so lazy!" and "Gotham is a really cool series, who knew all of those Batman characters came from these random plots!" 

Yet, the nudge from God to do something with this Lovelee Motivation blog will not go away. When I get in my prayer closet and I sit there waiting for Him to lay some amazing Jeremiah 29:11 plans into my lap, this freaking blog is always dropped first. Then God's microphone. He then probably does "The Woah" back to his throne, while he rolls his eyes. Because see God has patiently been telling me this blog was a priority for years. (Side note: I won't leave you there to wonder."The Woah" is some dance my child just told me about that I had to educate myself on via YouTube. Let Google be your guiding light to Woah discovery.) 

I have always made blogging a chore or an in-the-way item and prioritized it behind really important things like "Gotham, The Good People and Iron Fist Season 2 (Because I was psyched to watch Danny Rand whine about the privilege and responsibility placed on his life)." Ok, refocusing, that was a squirrel moment...but I was not using the blog in the way God intended. It was supposed to strengthen my communication with God as He used me as a touchpoint on topics that had affected me and my human ways of dealing with them, both successfully at times and not so much in others.

As we embark on the last 90 days of the year, I felt it would be really cool to finally be obedient to God regarding the Lovelee Motivation blog, while at the same time using this as an amazing 90 day challenge to create some stronger blogging habits. So you can expect a weekly blog from me over the next 90 days, and for some reason I feel really confident to say the blogs may come more than once a week. But the promise to you and myself is a weekly post on a topic pretty near and dear to me.

I read this amazing book a couple of months ago entitled, Uninvited: Living Loved When You Feel Less Than, Left Out and Lonely, by Lysa TerKeurst and it truly touched my life. It just so happens that I will be digging into this book again for a book club I recently started. Therefore, why not use my blog to  speak into each chapter from my perspective? So, you can look forward to a blog from me each week! Ya me. I'm slightly excited. Actually really excited, because I know I am going to enjoy this ride into a topic close to my heart. Who knew rejection could push me into commitment?! Well, God probably did...I am sure He knew. But who else? 

Back to the book! I really loved this book and the storytelling from Lysa, as she spoke of her battle with the Spirit of Rejection. That is truly the story of my life. I can't tell you how many projects I have not completed, posts I haven't posted, blogs I haven't shared, challenges I haven't met and relationships that I have failed in, simply because of the fear of rejection. The Spirit of Rejection makes me say things like "I'm independent, I'm a Loner, I don't need lots of friends" and then follow up with actions that strongly support all of those ridiculous statements. The truth being I love people, I love friends and I would love to be in a relationship, but to avoid the rejection of others I will usually do things that don't reflect the energy I would like in return.

Like right now I am really working on not blocking people. I know right? What grown person blocks people. This one does! Right here. If you say something I don't like, or that hurts my feelings, my first instinct is to block you so that I don't have to interact or see anymore texts from you. Also, it protects me from the texts that never come. Like what if you do something that hurts my feelings and you never even follow up to see if I am ok or tell me sorry? Well if you're blocked I will never know if  you did or did not try. Totally protected! Right?

Rejection will have you creating lies in your head that were never said. It will have you defining your value based on the comments of others. It will leave you feeling lonely, broken, unlovable, and unworthy...ALL LIES! But this story starts with us and must end with us. See rejection is rooted in negative self talk which is usually attributed to some situation or event in your life. I know I can pinpoint mine to not really being liked in school when I was younger and excluded by others because I was such a tomboy at a private school, which led to me being a little bully (another story for another day.) But being rejected by the only 4-5 black girls that attended my private school left me putting on this hard exterior at the tender age of 7. Only to enter public school and be picked on by kids of my own race, again,  because I spoke too proper.  The ignorance of it all. So see, my rejection started early, but it lead to my relationship with perfectionism and then unsustainable relationships with friends and men I dated.

Uninvited gave me 3 extremely important and very true statements to counteract my negative self-talk. God is good. Good is good to me. I can trust God to be God. With those statements rooted in my soul I can Live Loved. And when you "Live Loved" you don't have to look for validation from others, because it's deep inside of you. I look forward to you joining me on this journey as we tackle the Spirit of Rejection and learn to love ourselves so that we can show others how to love us!

So there it is...my lackluster relationship with rejection can actually be the push I have been needing to be obedient to God. Whoa! That's interesting...Join me and hopefully we can get some really good conversation going and help each other tackle that "Spirit of Rejection!" And also teeter with the idea of how all rejection isn't bad, but it's not letting those moments of rejection define our value. 

Please visit the Lovelee Motivation Facebook Page or Lovelee Motivation IG page to receive daily motivations and inspiration.

Meditation Challenge Pivot! New 21 day plan challenge...

Thank you for sharing in this Commitment Journey with me and working with me as we take a small pivot in our meditation practice plan. I received quite a few emails regarding a cost associated with the Calm - 21 Days of Meditation Series. As a subscriber I didn't realize this series was locked, but my goal through this challenge was not for you to make a financial investment. The goal was for you to make a time commitment to yourself through yoga and meditation, utilizing resources that had no costs associated.

Meditation and yoga are tow extremely vital components to creating mindfulness and an awakening within your life. It's said that the two most important days of your life are the day you were born and the day you discover your why (purpose). Mindfulness creates that awareness to provide you clarity on your purpose, as well as, improves your ability to respond to the various triggers of stress that are thrown at us throughout our everyday lives.

Therefore, the series I have selected for us to use for the remainder of our meditation challenge is an Oprah and Deepak Series - 21 Day Meditation Challenge - The Journey to Perfect Health. I have completed several Oprah and Deepak's meditation challenges and enjoyed all of them. This series has been captured on YouTube, and we are going to gratefully take advantage of the access to this series, while also pursuing a journey to perfect health. In the event you would like to invest in this challenge, use this link!

This challenge will explore the many ways we can take control of our health and well-being.
Week 1 - Gain a better understanding of what our minds and bodies are capable of.
Week 2 - Learn techniques to invite balance into our lives!
Week 3 - Integrate all the techniques to truly begin to live perfect health.

Ok, so that is our mediation game plan! I hope enjoy the series and I look forward to hearing back from you all on new habits you have created through this meditation challenge.

Please visit the Lovelee Motivation Facebook Page or Lovelee Motivation IG page to receive daily motivations and inspiration.

The Success Nonsecret...Commitment

Every quarter I complete this somewhat thorough analysis around various aspects of my life; health, spiritual, financial, business/career, and personal (love/parenting). I use this tool, the Annual Guide Book, provided by fitness professional and thought leader, Trish Blackwell.  Part of this exercise is to evaluate my performance in the previous quarter, identify areas of improvement and set goals. One thing I usually do is select a word to depict what I would like to see in that quarter and then drill down further really quantifying and qualifying what my exact desires are in detail, how I plan to get there and why its important to me. I actually really love that part of the planning process, because the analytical side of me is able to be extremely detail oriented in the documentation and the direct side of me gets to tell my self what a loser I have over the last 3 months. Lol. Totally kidding, I actually do have areas where I "WIN."

In theory it's really a great exercise, BUT when I started the process this year for 2018 first quarter I realized something that I've known for some time, MY COMMITMENT SUCKS! I plan, I start strong, then I let things get in the way. I allow "life" to happen and things take a drastic turn and I don't fulfill all the things I set out to complete. Unfortunately I have to admit I've seen this in other aspects of my life as well, such as with friendships, various projects I've volunteered with...and I can't allow it to continue. I've asked God for "Focus" for some time now and that was even my word for the last quarter of 2017. Yet, in prayer and evaluation, I realized the secret to success in any venture in life is COMMITMENT. Commitment drives all of those other adjectives, verbs and nouns that I've been using over the years. Without commitment, there is no focus. Without commitment, there is no completion. Without commitment, there's a journey that doesn't produce fully desired results.

Let's face it, the journey still exists, but without commitment to the goal in mind it's like driving with no real destination, whether it's yoga 30 days, prayer 40 days, meditation 21 days. So this year, I WANT COMMITMENT. And can I just take a moment to allow my analytical side to chime in...I want commitment in other areas of my life, such as a relationship and deeper friendships, but if I am not giving it, how can I expect it, right?! Basic Law of Attraction working here...therefore commitment will lead to relationships full of reciprocity.

There are 3 major commitments I want to complete over the next 30 days and I am going to use the blog, IG and my Facebook page to make it happen and create accountability. 
1. I want commitment with my Lovelee Motivation blog and Lovelee Motivation Instagram page, because there are so many accountability factors connected to it.
2. I want commitment in my yoga practice, because I always immediately notice the difference in my body and mind when I'm consistent. True - Yoga by Adrienne
3. I want commitment in my meditation practice, because in those treasured moments of calm and meditation, my mind opens up in ways that create this better human in the way I conduct friendships, the way I parent, the way I love others, the way I connect with God and just so much more.

So, for the next 30 days my goal, starting January 19th, is to post daily my meditation practice, my yoga practice and some type of creative inspiration on Facebook and/or IG. I know it's the new year and you're like "So this is your New Years resolution?" This is my life resolution. I have lost really amazing habits and created really terrible habits. So I am COMMITTED to breaking those bad habits in the most vital areas of my life and creating really rich ritual habits to enhance the woman that I am...

Are you interested in increasing your commitment level and making some changes in your life? 
Here's a few tips to help get you started... 
1. Write down your goals. Describe why this change or goal is important to you. 
2. Create some level of accountability with someone. 
3. Start with a small, digestible time limit to deliver on this goal. Like start with 21-30 days, re-evaluate after that time, then start again with another 30 days. 
4. Plan, plan, plan. Whether it's a new diet lifestyle, workout plan, a new morning ritual, whatever it is, make sure to plan a day ahead for what you will do tomorrow. Planning reduces opportunities to not commit. Mark off that time in the day to complete your goal, wake up in the morning, review your schedule and set your intentions to get it done!

As I referenced in the beginning of my blog I really LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Trish Blackwell's Annual Guide Book. It gives you that full view of what you are going for and what you want to accomplish. If you are into podcasts she has also done many podcasts on how to accomplish goals and so much more. Please check out her site for her "Confidence on the Go" podcasts episodes.  

So Friday, January 19, 2018,  is the big day...You may say "Why wait till Friday?!" Because I want to, lol...and are you really going to let a day of the week dictate your journey towards improving your life, your soul, your body and your mentality? 

I look forward to taking this journey with you!

Until next time, stay motivated, stay positive, and trust God!
Please visit the Lovelee Motivation Facebook Page or Lovelee Motivation IG page to receive daily motivations and inspiration.

Are You Failing at Your Future?

Happy Thursday!!! I hope your week had an amazing start and that you are walking in it consciously and aware of your purpose. Going through the motions can suck, but when you have a plan and a strategy, it creates such clarity. Last week I dealt with a topic that had been a struggle for me and that was self-forgiveness. My ability to not forgive myself stemmed from events in my life that I held on to as my identity instead of something that happened. As humans we can do that, we can allow a mistake to define who we are instead of moving forward. We allow our experiences to dictate our future which can lead to poor decisions in relationships, careers, life, and our future in general.

It's so imperative that we heal from this way of thinking. God doesn't hold on to our sins, he forgives us immediately. We have to believe in our future, let go of our past and stay mindful of the present. Depression and anxiety is a result of living in the past. Yet, the past is the past. If we are present and operating in what is happening right now, today, not that relationship from 3 months ago, but today, not that poor career decision we made a few years ago, we are no longer bound to our past. We are able to look and believe we have a great future.

Letting go of the past does require acknowledgement and acceptance of your responsibility in what happened, but once you have achieved this, the sky is the limit! You are now able to freely focus on your future without confusion. Because when we are bound by our past its difficult to create a plan or a strategy, as we are basing our future on our past experiences. When you have an opportunity, take some time and really identify some of the things from your past that are holding you hostage. I have things I deal with till this day such as perfectionism, rejection, and abandonment. By making myself aware of those things, accepting that I have been holding on to them and intentionally working to release them, that has allowed my future to become so much brighter. It's left little room for depression because I haven't focused on what was, but what is to come!

Hold on to hope for your future, not the darkness and emptiness of your past. In 
Jeremiah 29:11, we are told that God is aware of his plans for us, plans of hope. "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Therefore, don't exclude God from your plans. He promises to prosper us!! That's so exciting to know that God wants us to have a prosperous life!! And as stated in Psalms 25:3, by placing hope in Him, we will never be put to shame.

Finish the week off strong with a sense of hope! Don't quit, don't give up, and don't write off your future with an F+! Deal with your past, let go of it, appreciate your present, and have hope in your future!

Until next time, stay motivated, stay positive, and trust God!
Please visit the Lovelee Motivation Facebook Page or Lovelee Motivation IG page to receive daily motivations and inspiration.

P.S. If you are not in immediate danger because of thoughts of suicide, but need someone to talk with about your suicidal feelings, please do not hesitate to call one of the following national suicide prevention lines: 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) or 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).

The Freaking F Word!

Happy Monday! I hope everyone is doing well and enjoyed their Valentine’s Day! Although I didn’t have a Valentine I did have a date with myself and Monica Van Daneede who hosted a Valentine’s webinar on “Contentment and Singleness.” It was pretty awesome and you should check her out . She is an amazing woman of God, with a blog and Periscope that always offers great God filled content. But back my blog and as promised, I told you we would get into that F-word!

What is Forgiveness?

So, just laying some ground work in the action of forgiveness. It is defined as the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, lets go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well.  One of the immediate things I began to work on after my last break up was forgiveness. The last thing I wanted was to have hatred towards a person that would leave a negative blemish in my heart. I would like to say I can be "pretty good with the F-Word, maybe 7 out of 10...depends on the person. Random thought, do you find it harder to forgive family then people that aren't blood? Ok, let me continue, we can circle back to that.

Forgiving doesn’t mean you have to...

When we forgive, it doesn’t mean forgetting, condoning or excusing offenses.  Forgiving my ex didn’t mean I was excusing the verbal and emotional abuse that I had accepted in that relationship. Also forgiving someone doesn’t mean you are condoning their behavior or even that you must reconcile the relationship. I am completely content with never having a friendship with my ex again. There are times where we have to recognize actions and behavior of an individual that are completely unhealthy for us and them. Therefore, some things are just better not rehashed or relived.  We should never expose ourselves to people, places, things that don’t ultimately bring us to a positive result.  That means purging and moving forward!

Why is it important we forgive?

Forgive for a sound mind!! Have you ever noticed how forgiving someone just brought peace of mind? When you forgive, you are able to release those feelings of depression, anger, resentment and replace them with gratefulness, love and happiness. And forgiving those that have wronged me allowed me to appreciate the good characteristics about that person. Let’s face it, none of us are perfect and we all have good qualities within us. 

Walking in unforgiveness we tend to focus on all the negative, but once you forgive you can revisit the situation from a totally different perspective. Looking back in my previous relationship I can now appreciate all the great experiences I was exposed to during that commitment. We had amazing weekend family activities with our kids, a lovely trip to Miami, a great weekend in the mountains and just lots of fun! Everything wasn’t bad and I could only take that in when I implemented forgiveness.

And did you know that unforgiveness can manifest as poison within your body? Various studies have shown holding grudges effects our immune system.  It's been linked to cancer! This is serious. We have to let go of things and release them so that our body can function in a healthy space and we can fend off negativity such as depression. 

But what happens when you don’t forgive yourself? That has been my biggest issue the last couple of months. I didn’t realize it at first.  I was so focused on forgiving the wrongs that had been done to me and ensuring I held no resentment towards that person. I was interceding for them in prayer every night, wishing them nothing but continued blessings in their life. But I was still struggling with my depression, till one night I found myself crying out to God as I prayed, asking him once again to heal me of my depression. To give me beauty for my ashes and that’s when God said,” Well not until you forgive yourself Sharonda.” I just sat there with my tears and my pain and I realized, I didn’t like myself. 

And that clearly sets me up for my next blog on working towards "Forgiving Ourselves."  I want to further tell my story regarding the resentment I had built up towards myself due to my own actions and delve into why we don’t forgive ourselves and later get into some steps I have had to take to move into the direction of self-forgiveness. 

What are some things that you have had to let go of to move into a positive space lately? 

Please visit the Lovelee Motivation Facebook Page or Lovelee Motivation IG page to receive daily motivations and inspiration.

P.S. If you are not in immediate danger because of thoughts of suicide, but need someone to talk with about your suicidal feelings, please do not hesitate to call one of the following national suicide prevention lines: 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) or 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).