Honesty...a Relationship Worth Saving

How many times do we ask for honesty in a relationship?  The absence of honesty is normally that deal breaker or leads to an event that causes friction or ends a relationship. Yet, have you ever consider how honest you are with yourself? Let's be "honest"...how many of us avoid honesty when it comes to ourselves?  It's like we make a concerted effort to live a lie, even when the lie will not benefit us in the end! Crazy right? So, we won't accept lies from others, family, and more, but we will lie to ourselves.

In Chapter 1 of Uninvited, the author taps into how we fear honesty because we are afraid of "honesty's intention to expose and hurt us" so it gives us those mental signals of "danger, danger." But the truth is...our relationship with honesty is worth saving. When we are honest with ourselves we are able to discover those areas of misalignment, like dealing with the spirit of rejection. And when we identify and conquer the root of those areas of misalignment, we are put in the position to heal, develop a strong relationship with God and live a purpose driven life!. "Honesty isn't trying to hurt me. It's trying to heal me."

Let's think about that...there are so many situations where we will be in a relationship, whether friendship or dating and when it turns sour we will look back on signals we chose to ignore. The character attributes, behavior, personality cues and more that a person showed us and we neglected. We chose to create a facade of all the good things that we thought a person brought into our lives totally removing the downward spiral that was possible.


Is it time to renew you relationship with honesty? Whether its in poor habits, studying, eating, working, etc. it's time for truth serum. Date honesty, open the door for transparency and give it permission to reveal to you those areas of misalignment in your life so that you can began to implement a better strategy to get back on track. Personally, I know that if I just took the time to focus and eliminated distractions, i.e. Netflix, tv, randomness, I would be so much better for it in my blogging, my photography, my homeschooling of my child, even my work as an employee in my full-time job.


I challenge you this week to pursue honest moments with yourself. Start small and look at those truth you try to avoid. Be honest with yourself, just as you expect others to be honest with you, because then and only then will you align those areas in your life that are off. Going through the motions and ignoring what's happening doesn't lead to better results. A matter of fact, that could simply lead to the same results and then we have madness, then anxiety, then depression...must I go on? That relationship with honesty, so worth saving especially when you consider the path it can guide you towards.

I dare you to fall in love with honesty this week...

Please visit the Lovelee Motivation Facebook Page or Lovelee Motivation IG page to receive daily motivations and inspiration.

Self Love, Got Some?

Happy Hump Day!! We are half way through the week and I am feeling pretty pumped. Why am I so pumped? Uh, because I am like living, breathing, moving through the world with a sound mind! I get excited when I think about where I was mentally and emotionally 3-4 months ago in comparison to right now! 

I left off in my last blog touching on that awakening moment where I realized that I hadn't forgiven myself, which was leading to my depression. Picking back up from that place, I had been working on truly submitting to God, being more obedient with my time and my heart and listening when He would speak in my life. I was interceding diligently for my ex, a relationship that at the time I felt had left me broken. There was some verbal, mental and emotional abuse in that relationship which had left an imprint on my heart. Yet, my goal was to forgive and pray through that situation. I didn't want that relationship to be what would mark me from having a successful relationship in the future. I hadn't given up on love!

So, one night as I was on my knees, in my prayer closet, in true submission to God, I became so upset, because I had been praying and interceding for this person and I was still depressed. I wanted good things for them even though they were continuing to take actions that were devastating and hurtful to me and my finances. I cried out to God and asked Him why He wouldn't heal me from this pain and He told me so clearly, it's because I hadn't forgiven myself. 

That statement was so true and words so clear, that I literally just stopped crying. It was like the scenario of the toddler having a tantrum for candy, then when you give it to them they are immediately placed in a calm state. I hadn't forgiven myself. I was extremely angry with myself. I was so mad for choosing THAT person and going down THAT road.  A moment of transparency here: I met this person in April 2015 and in May 2015 God was VERY CLEAR that this person was not right for me. He was so clear that I wrote it in my journal, but you know what I did? I humanized it and explained it away. I told myself what God meant was…this relationship wouldn't work if I didn't change things about myself and this person didn't change things about themselves. I made it doable in my head. That wasn't fair for the other person, as they didn't know those plans and the expectations I had placed on them to fix some of the hurtful things they were doing in the relationship. 

What was happening was that I was so busy trying to meet a personal timeline of what I wanted in my life, that I failed to see that God knew what I needed. So, here I was now in January 2016, on my knees, heart broken, soul broken, mentally drained, completely pissed at myself for making that decision and I didn’t forgive myself. I was allowing this failed situation to define my identity, instead of looking at it as a failed event in my life. Why? Why was I taken this so hard? Because I didn't understand my worth. I didn't love myself. 

One of the most momentous and valuable decisions you can ever make in your life is discovering your worth and having an all encompassing love for yourself. I don't mean the love that involves a huge ego and arrogance. But the love where you love yourself through your mistakes, your flaws, your imperfections and also all the amazingly awesome things about yourself. I wasn't at that place with myself and when you aren't there, this affects so many facets of your life. It shows up in the quality of our relationships, career, faith and more. That's what had happened to me. I had accepted an abusive relationship because I thought I wasn't worthy of being with someone who spoke to me with respect. I thought, this person is so financially sound and will love my children unconditionally, so the least I can do is accept the flaws about them, because no one is perfect. 

Unfortunately it isn't that easy, because when we compromise love and respect for ourselves so many things suffer. We lose ourselves, we lose our purpose, we began to numb ourselves by shutting down. We lose our minds! Then before you know it, we are using medications to fix things that should be dealt with through the process of elimination. So, that night, on my knees, I knew I had work to do and Operation Learn to Love Myself began.

So, how do we began to work through that? How do we learn to love ourselves? First, we have to have a discovery period of what got us to this place. That means taking some time and looking at our past, from childhood issues, old beliefs and thoughts, as well as past events. Next, we have to escape the comparison trap. Society has placed this subconscious pressure on us to deliver the best on all these social media platforms. We find ourselves defining our worth based on materials, status, youth, money, attractiveness and romantic relationships. Finally, we have to shift our perspective. Again, not letting failures define our identity, but finding the value in the experience. 

God wants us to be happy and successful, yet we place limits on Him through the creation of our own timelines and expectations! We have to get excited about our future, understand our purpose and not be bound to our past. God promised to give us beauty for our ashes and it's our job to trust Him and know that the Best IS YET TO COME! 

If you are dealing with a lack of self-love I hope this blog was able to help you lay the ground work in building that love up for yourself. Remember that hurt people, hurt people. Therefore, make it your job to heal you so that you are able to present yourself wholly in your friendships, career, romantic relationship, etc.. 

Until next time, stay motivated, stay positive, and trust God! 

Please visit the Lovelee Motivation Facebook Page or Lovelee Motivation IG page to receive daily motivations and inspiration.

P.S. If you are not in immediate danger because of thoughts of suicide, but need someone to talk with about your suicidal feelings, please do not hesitate to call one of the following national suicide prevention lines: 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) or 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).

The Freaking F Word!

Happy Monday! I hope everyone is doing well and enjoyed their Valentine’s Day! Although I didn’t have a Valentine I did have a date with myself and Monica Van Daneede who hosted a Valentine’s webinar on “Contentment and Singleness.” It was pretty awesome and you should check her out . She is an amazing woman of God, with a blog and Periscope that always offers great God filled content. But back my blog and as promised, I told you we would get into that F-word!

What is Forgiveness?

So, just laying some ground work in the action of forgiveness. It is defined as the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, lets go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well.  One of the immediate things I began to work on after my last break up was forgiveness. The last thing I wanted was to have hatred towards a person that would leave a negative blemish in my heart. I would like to say I can be "pretty good with the F-Word, maybe 7 out of 10...depends on the person. Random thought, do you find it harder to forgive family then people that aren't blood? Ok, let me continue, we can circle back to that.

Forgiving doesn’t mean you have to...

When we forgive, it doesn’t mean forgetting, condoning or excusing offenses.  Forgiving my ex didn’t mean I was excusing the verbal and emotional abuse that I had accepted in that relationship. Also forgiving someone doesn’t mean you are condoning their behavior or even that you must reconcile the relationship. I am completely content with never having a friendship with my ex again. There are times where we have to recognize actions and behavior of an individual that are completely unhealthy for us and them. Therefore, some things are just better not rehashed or relived.  We should never expose ourselves to people, places, things that don’t ultimately bring us to a positive result.  That means purging and moving forward!

Why is it important we forgive?

Forgive for a sound mind!! Have you ever noticed how forgiving someone just brought peace of mind? When you forgive, you are able to release those feelings of depression, anger, resentment and replace them with gratefulness, love and happiness. And forgiving those that have wronged me allowed me to appreciate the good characteristics about that person. Let’s face it, none of us are perfect and we all have good qualities within us. 

Walking in unforgiveness we tend to focus on all the negative, but once you forgive you can revisit the situation from a totally different perspective. Looking back in my previous relationship I can now appreciate all the great experiences I was exposed to during that commitment. We had amazing weekend family activities with our kids, a lovely trip to Miami, a great weekend in the mountains and just lots of fun! Everything wasn’t bad and I could only take that in when I implemented forgiveness.

And did you know that unforgiveness can manifest as poison within your body? Various studies have shown holding grudges effects our immune system.  It's been linked to cancer! This is serious. We have to let go of things and release them so that our body can function in a healthy space and we can fend off negativity such as depression. 

But what happens when you don’t forgive yourself? That has been my biggest issue the last couple of months. I didn’t realize it at first.  I was so focused on forgiving the wrongs that had been done to me and ensuring I held no resentment towards that person. I was interceding for them in prayer every night, wishing them nothing but continued blessings in their life. But I was still struggling with my depression, till one night I found myself crying out to God as I prayed, asking him once again to heal me of my depression. To give me beauty for my ashes and that’s when God said,” Well not until you forgive yourself Sharonda.” I just sat there with my tears and my pain and I realized, I didn’t like myself. 

And that clearly sets me up for my next blog on working towards "Forgiving Ourselves."  I want to further tell my story regarding the resentment I had built up towards myself due to my own actions and delve into why we don’t forgive ourselves and later get into some steps I have had to take to move into the direction of self-forgiveness. 

What are some things that you have had to let go of to move into a positive space lately? 

Please visit the Lovelee Motivation Facebook Page or Lovelee Motivation IG page to receive daily motivations and inspiration.

P.S. If you are not in immediate danger because of thoughts of suicide, but need someone to talk with about your suicidal feelings, please do not hesitate to call one of the following national suicide prevention lines: 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) or 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).