Listening to Your Body...Giving Yourself Grace

Wow, so it's been a couples of weeks since I blogged. Honestly, I took on too much too fast, my Chronic Fatigue Syndrome flared and my body said, "NO MORE!" Over the past couple of years I've learned to listen to my body when it does that, because trying to produce quality work when you are not functioning at your best usually doesn't work out. It also drives my anxiety into overdrive.

Normally I would have really mentally badgered myself over not blogging and starting this process and not being consistent, but I became the Honey Badger (A.D.D. moment where you can meet the Honey badger) and basically didn't care about anything but myself. I trusted what was right for me and whether I would best serve you in a frazzled, overwhelmed, completely exhausted state. That's part of this process of overcoming depression for me, being confident in the decisions I make and ensuring that I am treating myself with grace and love.

During depression, that is often something we neglect doing. We really beat ourselves up and get in a mode of identifying negatives and areas that we feel we have failed. Yet, as I am being more graceful with myself I took this 2 weeks to really appreciate and be grateful for how well I cared about myself. Yes, I had moments of disappointment with taking on so much and not being able to perfect my time management, but I dug deep to redirect that thinking. And sometimes the easiest thing to do in the evenings, when I found myself completely upset that I hadn't accomplished something, was throw in the towel and go to bed! It's not always bad to throw in the towel. Throwing in the towel can also be an expression of love to your body!! And an expression of divine love, is actually grace.

So, this is a short blog as I get back in the routine of things. A matter of fact, after I post this blog, one of the things on my list is really developing my routine including my added responsibilities I have taken on this quarter. But just remember to listen to your body. We are moving into the holiday season where we all push ourselves too much in an effort to do for others. That's all well in good, but don't allow your mind to push you into overdrive and into a negative mindset when you just can't do it all!! We don't have to do it all, we don't have to be perfect. We just need to hold ourselves to a standard of grace!!

Please visit the Lovelee Motivation Facebook Page or Lovelee Motivation IG page to receive daily motivations and inspiration.

P.S. If you are not in immediate danger because of thoughts of suicide, but need someone to talk with about your suicidal feelings, please do not hesitate to call one of the following national suicide prevention lines: 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) or 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).

7 Happiness Hacks!

We all can have tough days where things don't seem to be aligning the way we would like them to, but we have the power to turn it all around!! Here are 7 happiness hacks I use when things seem to be out of whack for me.

1. Exercise.
Who can fight endorphins? Show me the person who is completely pissed and frustrated after they finish working out. I make it a goal to give myself time every morning to get in some type of physical activity, even if its only 10 minutes! Three days a week I have to be at work by 6 a.m., which requires a 4 a.m. wake up. I schedule myself about 20 minutes to get in a quick bike ride or yoga practice, but I give myself permission to only fulfill 10 minutes. My overall goal with this morning workout is not to lose weight or create some huge calorie burning session, but just invite my body into some physical activity. Giving myself that 10 minute obligation takes the pressure off of me in the event I can't get in full 20 minutes, because let's face it, that's a super early time to get up in the morning. In the evening I have much more time to get in at least 30 minutes, but do your best to give yourself some physical activity first thing in the morning!

2. Music.
There is nothing better than turning on music that makes you feel good. I wake up to great praise and worship music every morning and listen to it throughout the day to keep myself in a state of happiness. In moments when I am feeling down, praising God in advance for turning a situation around always makes me feel so much better. So turn on your favorite tunes and get that immediate happiness fill.

3. Be Present. Be Grateful.
Stop, breathe and be present. Look at where you are in that very moment. You are alive, you are breathing, your children are healthy, you have shelter, food, etc. Just be present in everything that is happening around you and tell God "thank you!"

4. Smile. 
Yep, smile, you're on candid camera. When I am feeling at my lowest, it's crazy how forcing myself to smile does something for me. First of all, you are being present. You are taking that very moment to stop, acknowledge your feelings, but pressing through and bringing forth that smile. Also, serving that smile up to other people gives you a boost as well. You never know what someone is going through and sharing your smile with the world can not only be a happiness hack for you, but for others!

5. Pray. Meditate.
As I have progressed through my depression, prayer and meditation has brought me the most resolve. At times when I am most overwhelmed or upset, simply going into my prayer closet, turning on some praise and worship music, sitting there for a minimum of 7 minutes in complete silence and allowing God to speak to me is the best therapy. This was actually a meditation method suggested to me by my life coach Dr. Walter Sims. Sitting quietly for 7 minutes and on the 8th minute, the number of new beginnings, writing down everything that God spoken to me during that last 7 minutes. See a lot of times we go into meditation to empty our minds or we go into prayer sending up our petitions to God. Yet, what if we sat silently and just asked Him to speak to us and tell us what He wants us to hear? Doing this has truly deepened my relationship with God.

6. Laugh. 
Who can fight the power of laughter? It's true medicine for the soul. Anne Frank said "There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sounds egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity."  Laughing about a situation can prevent it from defeating you! On mornings where I am not at my best or just because, I will sometimes wake up, stare at the ceiling and just laugh for no reason for at least 10 seconds. No reason at all, just laugh. Afterwards I feel really silly, but it definitely changes my mood!

7. Help Someone. 
In the midst of our own pain, you can find joy in helping others. Do something for someone else during the rough patches. It doesn't have to be anything big. An act of service could be a smile, going out of your way to pass that overwhelmed mother a buggy at the grocery store, opening the door for someone, or if you are feeling extra chummy, picking up the tab for someone when you grab your Pumpkin Spice Latte at the drive thru. Just be of assistance to someone out of the blue and it will immediately increase your happiness factor!

Please visit the Lovelee Motivation Facebook Page to receive daily motivations and inspiration.

P.S. If you are not in immediate danger because of thoughts of suicide, but need someone to talk with about your suicidal feelings, please do not hesitate to call one of the following national suicide prevention lines: 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) or 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).

Acknowledge Your Path...

Doing this blog I feel like I am on a tightrope and I could fall off at any moment. There is a part of me that wants to live in only the positive and provide all these awesome words of encouragement and motivation. I want to tell you that everything could be changed just like "that" and that we should look to God to get us through it all. All of that is true, but I feel like in doing that I am doing a disservice to the power of depression. That I could some how make someone that is deep in their struggle with depression feel weak. There are times where I struggle. There are times where I feel weak.

So, this blog has me so perplexed and I have found myself spending a lot of time in prayer in order to properly deliver an authentic message from my heart. I don't want to do someone an injustice and provide story of gum drops and fairy tales, while at the same time I don't want to give the devil delight and make him feel like he is winning. But one thing I realized today, as I sat on my couch, crying and trying to pray and meditate on how to deal with my pain, I have to acknowledge my path. 

I do feel pain. I feel sad. I've cried quite a bit the last few days and it's been so frustrating. I've struggled to understand why things had to happen the way they did. Why I was placed in a position to hurt so much. I am just a mother trying to raise 3 children. Why do I have to go through this?  Was this a necessary process to show me how to love myself? As I traveled down that dark tunnel of questions and pain I wanted to cut for a second, to make those feelings go away. But I pushed through.

I went to my daily declarations that I had written in my journal earlier in the morning. One in particular resonated with me, Philippians 4:8, "Today I will think on those things that are true, honest, pure, lovely and of a good report." A lot of days can be a battlefield of the mind when dealing with depression. Everything has to be intentional. Sometimes I fall and cry, sit in a closet and just think on some of the negative things that are happening or have happened to me.  Then I pull myself together, and think on things that are true, honest, pure, lovely and of a good report. One thing I can't do is just sit in it. I can't sit in that puddle of misery for too long because that doesn't get me anywhere.

See, that's my path right now. I'm in the midst of this journey with depression. I'm winning. I tell myself #DepressionNoMore. Yet, thoughts can still come. They can creep up on me at the most unexpected times. In those moments we are allowed to feel what is happening, but we have to choose how to respond. We have the power to do that, we really do, but it can be exhausting.  Yet, the more we push through, the more that muscle of resilience is developed. I pushed through today and tomorrow is a new day and it will be even more amazing!

My point in this blog is that we don't have to rush through our struggle. I don't have to tell you a story of results that haven't occurred for me yet. I have to acknowledge my path.  It's in the journey that we learn the lesson, not at the end and certainly not the beginning. Take time today and acknowledge where you are and tell God thank you. Tell God thank you, because you are right where you are supposed to be in this moment.

Please visit the Lovelee Motivation Facebook Page to receive daily motivations and inspiration.

P.S. If you are not in immediate danger because of thoughts of suicide, but need someone to talk with about your suicidal feelings, please do not hesitate to call one of the following national suicide prevention lines: 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) or 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).

5 Ways to Support Someone with Depression

A lot of times when we have someone in our life going through depression we can have the best intentions in mind and end up doing some of the worst things. The use of words in these situations can be extremely important. The Bible says "Death and life are in the power of the tongue..." Below are ways to support someone with depression.

1. Be present. 
One thing that is easily noticeable when you are going through depression is loneliness. You can feel alone even when you aren't. So, make an extra effort to just be present for your friends when they are going through depression. A simple texts, email, phone call, or a card, just to let them know you are there. This can be reassuring and possibly help them see the light at the end of the tunnel.

2. Never minimize their pain.
I see this a lot with Christians. I love my God and I can't tell you how many times I am told to just trust God and this whole "depression thing" will resolve itself. Take a step back and realize there is a lot of things happening here, and when you tell a depressed Christian to "trust God." It can actually catapult them into something worse. It gives off the implication that they don't trust God and they are doing this to themselves, when depression is much bigger. Be supportive in your words. Pray for your fellow Christians through their depression and reassure them that God loves them!

3. Educate yourself on depression.
Everyone's way of dealing with depression can be different and really can adjust based on phases in their lives. So, educate yourself. I can attest to when I was younger and dealing with depression I like to shut out my feelings and just be tough about it. Yet, as I have evolved more as a woman and mother I am more connected with what I am feeling. So, now I find more solace in expressing myself and growing through what I am going through. If you really want to be a supportive friend, family member, partner, etc., take the time to read up on depression.

4. Turn off your comparison meter!
When I am depressed, I will be honest, I could care less how you would handle a situation, because if implementation were that easy, would I be here right now? I don't want to be depressed!!! Just turn off your comparison meter for a little while and listen. Be reassuring and if you have to speak, simply repeating what they are saying in an effort to understand is a great exercise. This allows them to know you are listening and it can actually resonate with them and possibly create an opportunity for them to hear how they may be approaching something from a negative perspective.

5. Avoid offering advice. 
Unless you are a licensed psychiatrist, therapist, certified life coach, or was specifically asked, keep your advice to a minimum. When someone is dealing with depression, they are dealing with it, not you. Don't use this time to utilize your "fix it" skills. I can take this advice myself. I am a fix it person. I tend to want to fix things for people in my life, but with depression, utilize your listening skills. Just allow the person to express themselves when they reach out to you. There can be a fine line here, because I am going to speak from someone who has dealt with depression personally and also had friends who were depressed. People can often live in their story and about that 15th time of hearing them express the same thing over again, it can be taxing. This is a time where I will tell you listen to God and your heart. The last thing we need is to be pulled into something that will make weaken own mental stability. But again, don't offer advice on how YOU would handle a situation.

These are just 5 ways that have been extremely important to me as I have walked through my depression. Please feel free to comment with more tips, as a depressed person or a person dealing with someone with depression. In order to do better, we must know better.

Please visit the Lovelee Motivation Facebook Page to receive daily motivations and inspiration.

P.S. If you are not in immediate danger because of thoughts of suicide, but need someone to talk with about your suicidal feelings, please do not hesitate to call one of the following national suicide prevention lines: 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) or 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).

Self Love: I Love Me...I Think...I Should...

About 2 months ago as I struggled in a toxic, unproductive relationship, I began the search of why I was depressed. I had dealt with depression since I was 15, but never really understood why. I just made a concerted effort to push any thoughts of negativity out of my mind when I felt a dark cloud approaching. But within the last 6 months this approach no longer was working for me. I needed to do more work. I needed to find the root of the issue.

Why was I sad? I had done well for myself, as a girl who had her first child at the age of 16, still managing to graduate at the top of her class, obtain a college degree and have decent success in the corporate world. What was causing me to break down at the thought of a relationship not working? Why was I allowing a person to speak to me in a negative way and deflect all of their issues on to me? What was happening here? 

Good job, check. Healthy children, check. Relationship with God, could be better, but check! Supportive family, check. Wait...all except for my relationship with God were external things. I wasn't going deep enough. Why was I sad? Why was I allowing someone to talk down to me? Who allows someone to speak down to them and then accepts their apology? The answer came to me. A person with very low self-esteem. A person that may not love them self. Whoa, whoa...I love me...I think...I should...

I had an "Aha moment," as Oprah would say. I always knew I struggled with confidence, but I didn't recognize my lack of love for myself. Because if I loved myself, there is no way I would be second guessing the ending of an unproductive relationship. This person was no longer serving me in a positive way. I needed to place an order of "self love" quickly and I needed it to be delivered under the Amazon Prime delivery standards. Lol. Unfortunately, something that had taken 34 years to develop, couldn't be fixed in 2 business days. Life doesn't work like that. 

I'm a fix it person. Deep diver, researcher. Once I know what I need to fix, I'm trying to fix it. Give me a task list and I want to resolve your issue. So, about 4 weeks ago, right before the true ending of my last relationship I made a huge investment in myself to get a life coach. It was pricey, it was gutsy. Honestly, the only reason I did it. as it was a stretch from a monetary perspective, was because my ex had promised me a large sum of money...just because. We won't get into how that worked in this post. Yet, because I was expecting that money, which never came, I invested in myself and the lessons have been amazing. 

With that investment I began the work of learning to love me. I never loved me!!!! It's funny to even say or type. I was always a mom and so many other things, but loving me? Nah, who had time for that. See, when you don't love yourself you can accept negative things. You accept disrespect. You accept disappointment. You accept discouragement. But when you love yourself, you EXPECT respect, you EXPECT good things to happen, and you REJECT discouragement. I had lowered my expectations and now it was catching up to me!

Working through depression and not loving yourself to me is like running in quicksand. So, I'm completely unfamiliar with quicksand other than what I've seen in movies. Can I get really specific?Never Ending Story. The horse, Artax that dies in the Swamp of Sadness?! Omg, that got dark really fast. Let me "recalculate" and change the direction of this post. Sorry, I suffer from depression. Ok, let's walk towards the light, come on, come on, we got this, follow me. My point...who really wants to run in some type of mud substance and make no progress? 

Therefore, what I have determined is that I have to love me! I can't be insecure. I have to be confident. I have to tell myself I am confident and that I love myself. I actually have this board I made that shows all the things I believe that I am and I read all of them every morning, after I pray, before I even approach the day. Today, you HAVE to decide to love yourself. Like I said in my last post, it's an INTENTIONAL DECISION!!! Waking up every morning and reading my "I Am," affirmation statements and my personal mantra, that's intentional. And you CAN NOT just do this on the bad days and you CAN NOT just do this on the good days. 

See what happens here is that you declare these statements, you believe them and you cultivate a desire within yourself to want to be better. Because see, bad days happen. Days, we just didn't count on performing they way they perform. But you have to equip yourself to better manage these days and that comes from loving yourself. 

Can you decide to love yourself today? Can you decide to make an intentional effort to love yourself? What is something that you will do every morning to build your self love? Leave a comment. Share some ideas on how to increase self love. 

Please visit the Lovelee Motivation Facebook Page to receive daily motivations and inspiration.

P.S. If you are not in immediate danger because of thoughts of suicide, but need someone to talk with about your suicidal feelings, please do not hesitate to call one of the following national suicide prevention lines: 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) or 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).

The Power to Decide...

I've found myself making the comment that depression can be strange, because right now that's the only way I can describe it. I wanted to say that, just to prevent offending anyone currently depressed or really stuck in a dark place. To me it's strange, because I'm aware that I have all of these reasons to be super happy, but sometimes I can feel overcome by darkness. So, the easiest way to describe that is strange.

What I've found is that determining why I feel a certain way or how I got to that place, is the first step to moving forward. So, that's a decision! It's an imperative decision. I think that decision is just as important as defining your diagnosis. Let me just say, I have no medical degree and no training to tell anyone how to deal with their depression. This is simply MY journey with depression. My journey and blog will center around a decision to not be depressed. A decision to not sit in a dark space. A decision to be extremely intentional in how I think and how I feel and how I approach something. Posting quotes about emptiness will not happen here, because I believe that you manifest negative energy...but the awesome thing is that just as you can manifest negative energy, you can also manifest positive energy.

My depression stems from a lack of self-love and confidence.  Therefore, when my relationships have failed or I have accepted sub par treatment from someone, it's basically triggered my depression. So, what I've done to help combat my depression and deal with those issues of confidence and self-love, is define all of these really awesome things about myself and laid them out as a reminder of who I am! I enrolled in this great course called The Courageous Confidence Club by Chalene Johnson, and she calls this particular concept your "Evidence File." It allows you to focus on things completely contradictory to the negative thoughts you have about yourself. Because let's face it, even people that aren't depressed run into self doubt.

Evidence File steps:
1. Write down 3 incidents or experiences where you did something that scared you.
2. Write down the negative thoughts you had before you did it.
3. Then document the final outcome...how you rocked it! And even if you didn't rock it, you didn't die, life continued.  You probably learned something really awesome from it, that will allow you to take a different path next time so you are successful.
4. Add something new daily!
Finally, revisit your Evidence File often!!!

Note: I'm definitely not going to be this person that pushes products on you or coaches, but while I invest in myself, if I find something that I think would impact others and serve you in a positive way, I will share it with you!

So, as you progress through depression, you have to ask yourself "what's your decision?" That doesn't mean Pharrell's song "Happy" will pop into your head immediately and skittles will begin to fall all around you. Yet, the more you intentionally decide to change your thought process, the more you will improve. For instance last Thursday I had the toughest day!!!! It was just a dark day, I couldn't get out of it. I was sad, I was upset, I just wanted to lay in my bed. These things happen!!!!! You're on a journey. Finally around 2 pm, I got up, I pulled myself together, begin to think intentionally and things slowly turned around. A part of me was disappointed that I had a bad day, but later when I spoke to my life coach, he made a great point. He said "Did you notice how that depression "moment" lasted less than 12 hours? And honestly I didn't. I hadn't noticed and that was huge! Because just a month ago, I could've been out for 2-3 days. But now as I've been doing the work, thinking intentionally, I bounced back in 12 hours!

You have the power to decide. So, what's your decision today? Visit my IG page and comment under this post your decision today, i.e. "I will be mindful of my thoughts today! I will be grateful today! I will smile today!" I can't wait to read them!

Please visit the Lovelee Motivation Facebook Page to receive daily motivations and inspiration.

P.S. If you are not in immediate danger because of thoughts of suicide, but need someone to talk with about your suicidal feelings, please do not hesitate to call one of the following national suicide prevention lines: 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) or 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).

Sharing Gifts Can be NERVE WRECKING!!!

Use your God-given gifts to serve others (1 Peter 4:10)

Wow, my second post! I'm going to be really authentic in this moment, but at the same time control my mindset in this moment. So, I have backspaced like 2 times, because I wanted to say "I am not a blogger, not a naturally vulnerable person, not normally an open book." But that kind of contradicts what's happening here, and the shift I am trying to make and the service I am trying to provide in this journey. I am writing this blog on Saturday night and I intend to launch this blog on Facebook and IG on Sunday, October 18th around noon. I am so nauseous!!! A matter of fact, only my best friend has read my first post, and she of course loved it, because she's my best friend and that's part of her job description "Encourage Sharonda during challenging moments, tell her nothing but good things, then snatch the rug from under her about 2-3 business days later regarding areas of improvement."

Why am I nervous? Because, I am normally very reserved and meticulous and I remember writing in my journal a couple weeks ago, that I went to "Perfectionist Prison" in middle school and I have just been released on parole in the last month. Lol. Perfectionism usually leaves you really guarded. Now people will know that I was depressed and I've battled depression for a long time and currently dealing with it. Because based on Facebook they wouldn't think that. Then I think about people that I have worked and how I always came across very "tightly wound." I am making every attempt not to call myself the B-word here, embrace it. Really I was just a shy person, extremely insecure and afraid of rejection.

Well, now I have to face all of that, leaving room for judgment. As I move through this blog, I'll have to face my relationship woes and my experiences in being in abusive relationships and not loving myself. Those are things I don't think anyone would expect.

I guess I know why I'm nervous, because people are about to meet me and the reality of my situation and my life. Yeah...I'm leaning in. I believe when something is placed on your heart and you don't act on it, you are doing yourself a disservice and being selfish.

Is there something you aren't acting on? A gift you are keeping to yourself and not sharing with the world? God, the universe, however you choose to frame it. I am a Christian, so I serve God. God doesn't provide us with gifts to hold hostage. So go ahead, Share Your Gift! It can be life changing. I'm curious to see where this will take me!

Please visit the Lovelee Motivation Facebook Page to receive daily motivations and inspiration.

P.S. If you are not in immediate danger because of thoughts of suicide, but need someone to talk with about your suicidal feelings, please do not hesitate to call one of the following national suicide prevention lines: 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) or 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).

Lovelee Motivation...My Accountability Partner

Hello, my name is Sharonda and I am the creator and founder of Lovelee Motivation. Lovelee Motivation is a community created to inspire, motivate and empower individuals to step into the present and embrace a Grateful Attitude, Joyful Heart, and a Blessed Mentality. My purpose is to serve you with inspiring quotes, an authentic testimony of my battle with depression and a safe place for accountability for others who deal with mental illness. 

Just a little bit about me, I'm a photographer and mother of 3 that has battled depression since the age of 15. Throughout the years, I was able to confine all of my energy into my children, my education and my career, which allowed me to evade my thoughts of depression and self-mutilation, until November 2014.  After the painful end of a relationship, I was propelled into somewhat of a downward spiral. Completely unprepared for what was happening to me emotionally, this breakup seemed to strike my soul and I couldn't be strong. It was so overwhelming. And in November 2014 my battle with depression and cutting once again reared it's ugly head. 

As this blogging relationship grows I will divulge more about my past in cutting. Yeah, it's my past right  now because I haven't cut since September 20, 2015, after yet another painful relationship woe. So, Lovelee Motivation is not only here to serve you with beautiful images designed with motivational quotes around being grateful, joyful and blessed, it's my accountability partner. 

I don't want to cut anymore and I want to focus on the positive. It's all about a mindset and paradigm shift. Mental illness is a strange thing and is quite exhausting. It's not like we want to be sad, but we definitely have to exert a ton of energy to turn something around in our minds, in our souls, our hearts. Like I said, it's a paradigm shift that goes down to our subconscious mind. If only it were as easy as chanting an affirmation. Lol.

Therefore, I'm inviting you to embark on this journey with me of being present in all the beautiful things we have around us, sharing our stories, and growing as healthy individuals that truly love ourselves. I look forward to reading your comments, your stories and connecting with you on a deeper level!

Please visit the Lovelee Motivation Facebook Page to receive daily motivations and inspiration.

P.S. If you are not in immediate danger because of thoughts of suicide, but need someone to talk with about your suicidal feelings, please do not hesitate to call one of the following national suicide prevention lines: 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) or 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).