Acknowledge Your Path...

Doing this blog I feel like I am on a tightrope and I could fall off at any moment. There is a part of me that wants to live in only the positive and provide all these awesome words of encouragement and motivation. I want to tell you that everything could be changed just like "that" and that we should look to God to get us through it all. All of that is true, but I feel like in doing that I am doing a disservice to the power of depression. That I could some how make someone that is deep in their struggle with depression feel weak. There are times where I struggle. There are times where I feel weak.

So, this blog has me so perplexed and I have found myself spending a lot of time in prayer in order to properly deliver an authentic message from my heart. I don't want to do someone an injustice and provide story of gum drops and fairy tales, while at the same time I don't want to give the devil delight and make him feel like he is winning. But one thing I realized today, as I sat on my couch, crying and trying to pray and meditate on how to deal with my pain, I have to acknowledge my path. 

I do feel pain. I feel sad. I've cried quite a bit the last few days and it's been so frustrating. I've struggled to understand why things had to happen the way they did. Why I was placed in a position to hurt so much. I am just a mother trying to raise 3 children. Why do I have to go through this?  Was this a necessary process to show me how to love myself? As I traveled down that dark tunnel of questions and pain I wanted to cut for a second, to make those feelings go away. But I pushed through.

I went to my daily declarations that I had written in my journal earlier in the morning. One in particular resonated with me, Philippians 4:8, "Today I will think on those things that are true, honest, pure, lovely and of a good report." A lot of days can be a battlefield of the mind when dealing with depression. Everything has to be intentional. Sometimes I fall and cry, sit in a closet and just think on some of the negative things that are happening or have happened to me.  Then I pull myself together, and think on things that are true, honest, pure, lovely and of a good report. One thing I can't do is just sit in it. I can't sit in that puddle of misery for too long because that doesn't get me anywhere.

See, that's my path right now. I'm in the midst of this journey with depression. I'm winning. I tell myself #DepressionNoMore. Yet, thoughts can still come. They can creep up on me at the most unexpected times. In those moments we are allowed to feel what is happening, but we have to choose how to respond. We have the power to do that, we really do, but it can be exhausting.  Yet, the more we push through, the more that muscle of resilience is developed. I pushed through today and tomorrow is a new day and it will be even more amazing!

My point in this blog is that we don't have to rush through our struggle. I don't have to tell you a story of results that haven't occurred for me yet. I have to acknowledge my path.  It's in the journey that we learn the lesson, not at the end and certainly not the beginning. Take time today and acknowledge where you are and tell God thank you. Tell God thank you, because you are right where you are supposed to be in this moment.

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P.S. If you are not in immediate danger because of thoughts of suicide, but need someone to talk with about your suicidal feelings, please do not hesitate to call one of the following national suicide prevention lines: 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) or 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).