Happy Thursday!!! I hope your week had an amazing start and that you are walking in it consciously and aware of your purpose. Going through the motions can suck, but when you have a plan and a strategy, it creates such clarity. Last week I dealt with a topic that had been a struggle for me and that was self-forgiveness. My ability to not forgive myself stemmed from events in my life that I held on to as my identity instead of something that happened. As humans we can do that, we can allow a mistake to define who we are instead of moving forward. We allow our experiences to dictate our future which can lead to poor decisions in relationships, careers, life, and our future in general.
It's so imperative that we heal from this way of thinking. God doesn't hold on to our sins, he forgives us immediately. We have to believe in our future, let go of our past and stay mindful of the present. Depression and anxiety is a result of living in the past. Yet, the past is the past. If we are present and operating in what is happening right now, today, not that relationship from 3 months ago, but today, not that poor career decision we made a few years ago, we are no longer bound to our past. We are able to look and believe we have a great future.
Letting go of the past does require acknowledgement and acceptance of your responsibility in what happened, but once you have achieved this, the sky is the limit! You are now able to freely focus on your future without confusion. Because when we are bound by our past its difficult to create a plan or a strategy, as we are basing our future on our past experiences. When you have an opportunity, take some time and really identify some of the things from your past that are holding you hostage. I have things I deal with till this day such as perfectionism, rejection, and abandonment. By making myself aware of those things, accepting that I have been holding on to them and intentionally working to release them, that has allowed my future to become so much brighter. It's left little room for depression because I haven't focused on what was, but what is to come!
Hold on to hope for your future, not the darkness and emptiness of your past. In
Jeremiah 29:11, we are told that God is aware of his plans for us, plans of hope. "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Therefore, don't exclude God from your plans. He promises to prosper us!! That's so exciting to know that God wants us to have a prosperous life!! And as stated in Psalms 25:3, by placing hope in Him, we will never be put to shame.
Finish the week off strong with a sense of hope! Don't quit, don't give up, and don't write off your future with an F+! Deal with your past, let go of it, appreciate your present, and have hope in your future!
Until next time, stay motivated, stay positive, and trust God!
Please visit the Lovelee Motivation Facebook Page or Lovelee Motivation IG page to receive daily motivations and inspiration.
P.S. If you are not in immediate danger because of thoughts of suicide, but need someone to talk with about your suicidal feelings, please do not hesitate to call one of the following national suicide prevention lines: 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) or 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).
Happy Hump Day!! We are half way through the week and I am feeling pretty pumped. Why am I so pumped? Uh, because I am like living, breathing, moving through the world with a sound mind! I get excited when I think about where I was mentally and emotionally 3-4 months ago in comparison to right now!
I left off in my last blog touching on that awakening moment where I realized that I hadn't forgiven myself, which was leading to my depression. Picking back up from that place, I had been working on truly submitting to God, being more obedient with my time and my heart and listening when He would speak in my life. I was interceding diligently for my ex, a relationship that at the time I felt had left me broken. There was some verbal, mental and emotional abuse in that relationship which had left an imprint on my heart. Yet, my goal was to forgive and pray through that situation. I didn't want that relationship to be what would mark me from having a successful relationship in the future. I hadn't given up on love!
So, one night as I was on my knees, in my prayer closet, in true submission to God, I became so upset, because I had been praying and interceding for this person and I was still depressed. I wanted good things for them even though they were continuing to take actions that were devastating and hurtful to me and my finances. I cried out to God and asked Him why He wouldn't heal me from this pain and He told me so clearly, it's because I hadn't forgiven myself.
That statement was so true and words so clear, that I literally just stopped crying. It was like the scenario of the toddler having a tantrum for candy, then when you give it to them they are immediately placed in a calm state. I hadn't forgiven myself. I was extremely angry with myself. I was so mad for choosing THAT person and going down THAT road. A moment of transparency here: I met this person in April 2015 and in May 2015 God was VERY CLEAR that this person was not right for me. He was so clear that I wrote it in my journal, but you know what I did? I humanized it and explained it away. I told myself what God meant was…this relationship wouldn't work if I didn't change things about myself and this person didn't change things about themselves. I made it doable in my head. That wasn't fair for the other person, as they didn't know those plans and the expectations I had placed on them to fix some of the hurtful things they were doing in the relationship.
What was happening was that I was so busy trying to meet a personal timeline of what I wanted in my life, that I failed to see that God knew what I needed. So, here I was now in January 2016, on my knees, heart broken, soul broken, mentally drained, completely pissed at myself for making that decision and I didn’t forgive myself. I was allowing this failed situation to define my identity, instead of looking at it as a failed event in my life. Why? Why was I taken this so hard? Because I didn't understand my worth. I didn't love myself.
One of the most momentous and valuable decisions you can ever make in your life is discovering your worth and having an all encompassing love for yourself. I don't mean the love that involves a huge ego and arrogance. But the love where you love yourself through your mistakes, your flaws, your imperfections and also all the amazingly awesome things about yourself. I wasn't at that place with myself and when you aren't there, this affects so many facets of your life. It shows up in the quality of our relationships, career, faith and more. That's what had happened to me. I had accepted an abusive relationship because I thought I wasn't worthy of being with someone who spoke to me with respect. I thought, this person is so financially sound and will love my children unconditionally, so the least I can do is accept the flaws about them, because no one is perfect.
Unfortunately it isn't that easy, because when we compromise love and respect for ourselves so many things suffer. We lose ourselves, we lose our purpose, we began to numb ourselves by shutting down. We lose our minds! Then before you know it, we are using medications to fix things that should be dealt with through the process of elimination. So, that night, on my knees, I knew I had work to do and Operation Learn to Love Myself began.
So, how do we began to work through that? How do we learn to love ourselves? First, we have to have a discovery period of what got us to this place. That means taking some time and looking at our past, from childhood issues, old beliefs and thoughts, as well as past events. Next, we have to escape the comparison trap. Society has placed this subconscious pressure on us to deliver the best on all these social media platforms. We find ourselves defining our worth based on materials, status, youth, money, attractiveness and romantic relationships. Finally, we have to shift our perspective. Again, not letting failures define our identity, but finding the value in the experience.
God wants us to be happy and successful, yet we place limits on Him through the creation of our own timelines and expectations! We have to get excited about our future, understand our purpose and not be bound to our past. God promised to give us beauty for our ashes and it's our job to trust Him and know that the Best IS YET TO COME!
If you are dealing with a lack of self-love I hope this blog was able to help you lay the ground work in building that love up for yourself. Remember that hurt people, hurt people. Therefore, make it your job to heal you so that you are able to present yourself wholly in your friendships, career, romantic relationship, etc..
Until next time, stay motivated, stay positive, and trust God!
Please visit the Lovelee Motivation Facebook Page or Lovelee Motivation IG page to receive daily motivations and inspiration.
P.S. If you are not in immediate danger because of thoughts of suicide, but need someone to talk with about your suicidal feelings, please do not hesitate to call one of the following national suicide prevention lines: 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) or 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).
