Honesty...a Relationship Worth Saving

How many times do we ask for honesty in a relationship?  The absence of honesty is normally that deal breaker or leads to an event that causes friction or ends a relationship. Yet, have you ever consider how honest you are with yourself? Let's be "honest"...how many of us avoid honesty when it comes to ourselves?  It's like we make a concerted effort to live a lie, even when the lie will not benefit us in the end! Crazy right? So, we won't accept lies from others, family, and more, but we will lie to ourselves.

In Chapter 1 of Uninvited, the author taps into how we fear honesty because we are afraid of "honesty's intention to expose and hurt us" so it gives us those mental signals of "danger, danger." But the truth is...our relationship with honesty is worth saving. When we are honest with ourselves we are able to discover those areas of misalignment, like dealing with the spirit of rejection. And when we identify and conquer the root of those areas of misalignment, we are put in the position to heal, develop a strong relationship with God and live a purpose driven life!. "Honesty isn't trying to hurt me. It's trying to heal me."

Let's think about that...there are so many situations where we will be in a relationship, whether friendship or dating and when it turns sour we will look back on signals we chose to ignore. The character attributes, behavior, personality cues and more that a person showed us and we neglected. We chose to create a facade of all the good things that we thought a person brought into our lives totally removing the downward spiral that was possible.


Is it time to renew you relationship with honesty? Whether its in poor habits, studying, eating, working, etc. it's time for truth serum. Date honesty, open the door for transparency and give it permission to reveal to you those areas of misalignment in your life so that you can began to implement a better strategy to get back on track. Personally, I know that if I just took the time to focus and eliminated distractions, i.e. Netflix, tv, randomness, I would be so much better for it in my blogging, my photography, my homeschooling of my child, even my work as an employee in my full-time job.


I challenge you this week to pursue honest moments with yourself. Start small and look at those truth you try to avoid. Be honest with yourself, just as you expect others to be honest with you, because then and only then will you align those areas in your life that are off. Going through the motions and ignoring what's happening doesn't lead to better results. A matter of fact, that could simply lead to the same results and then we have madness, then anxiety, then depression...must I go on? That relationship with honesty, so worth saving especially when you consider the path it can guide you towards.

I dare you to fall in love with honesty this week...

Please visit the Lovelee Motivation Facebook Page or Lovelee Motivation IG page to receive daily motivations and inspiration.

Buffering...

We are in control of how we respond to an event we can't control. 

My life is currently in a buffer. Do you ever feel that way? Like things pause, but they are trying to be in motion and you are STUCK on this one action and NEED it move forward to the next scene. But no, that one action, that one situation that you really don't want to deep dive into has that freaking icon on it...IT'S BUFFERING. Right now I am in a scene with the buffer circle and I want to break it! 

I've cried, I've gotten angry on the inside, I've taking my meds and I've PRAYED. So now what? Maybe I stop hitting the mouse and the keyboards and I ask myself "why?" And here I am blogging. Why is this happening? What am I supposed to learn from this devastating situation completely out of my control? How do I move forward? 

That's usually the process right? When the computer stalls, the YouTube video buffers, life gets crazy...What do we do? Our normal instincts are to go into fix-it mode, which sometimes leads to frustration, i.e. throwing an innocent mouse across the room. But how about, SURRENDER? Surrendering gives us a chance to reclaim our sanity. We are in control of how we respond to an event we can't control. We are in the position to walk away, breathe and analyze. Sometimes its hitting a hard reset and sometimes it's answering hard questions. 

So today in my pain, in my fury, as my life buffers, I walk away, I breathe and I ask...
Why is this happening God? What do you want me to learn from it? How do I move forward?

Buffer moments...sometimes simple...sometimes complex...
Why didn't I get that job? Why didn't that relationship work out? Why did my child make that poor decision? Why did I spend my hard earned bill money on a non-essential item that I can't return? Why can't my baby daddy behave and pay child support? Why is may manager making my life a living H-E-double hockey sticks? 

There's beauty in the buffer. There's insight in the buffer. Appreciate the buffer...

How do you handle your buffer moments? Be honest? Do you scream? Do you take it out on innocent bystanders, friends, and loved ones? I do sometimes...a matter of fact before I surrendered I started to block all of my friends who were not responding to my buffer the way I wanted them to respond. (Don't judge me!) Do you hurt yourself verbally or physically? 

I challenge you today, tonight, this moment to handle your current or next buffer from a space of grace and control. Step away. Breathe. Analyze. Can I be honest...when I don't do those things or let's say when I attempt to, but don't fully commit, then I hurt myself physically, I cut. Why, because I can control the cut, I can control the depth of the blade entrance, I can control the placement, I can control the quantity. But then I don't get to enjoy the buffer...a matter of fact, after the cutting ends I'm still buffering. The situation still exists.  

So take my challenge, rise to the occasion and love yourself, LOVE THAT FREAKING BUFFER, give it the tightest hug and show that buffer gratitude. I showed my buffer gratitude today and it was HARD. I can't tell my buffer situation, because it involves my child and that's a violation of her privacy. But it was a huge buffer. But I journaled through it and even though I am still weak from the buffer, the video is starting to play again, the website is beginning to load everything on the page. And remember what God told us is Matthew 11:28, Amplified version, “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavily burdened [by religious rituals that provide no peace], and I will give you rest [refreshing your souls with salvation]."

Until next time, stay motivated, stay positive, and trust God!
Please visit the Lovelee Motivation Facebook Page or Lovelee Motivation IG page to receive daily motivations and inspiration.

P.S. If you are not in immediate danger because of thoughts of suicide, but need someone to talk with about your suicidal feelings, please do not hesitate to call one of the following national suicide prevention lines: 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) or 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).

Self Love, Got Some?

Happy Hump Day!! We are half way through the week and I am feeling pretty pumped. Why am I so pumped? Uh, because I am like living, breathing, moving through the world with a sound mind! I get excited when I think about where I was mentally and emotionally 3-4 months ago in comparison to right now! 

I left off in my last blog touching on that awakening moment where I realized that I hadn't forgiven myself, which was leading to my depression. Picking back up from that place, I had been working on truly submitting to God, being more obedient with my time and my heart and listening when He would speak in my life. I was interceding diligently for my ex, a relationship that at the time I felt had left me broken. There was some verbal, mental and emotional abuse in that relationship which had left an imprint on my heart. Yet, my goal was to forgive and pray through that situation. I didn't want that relationship to be what would mark me from having a successful relationship in the future. I hadn't given up on love!

So, one night as I was on my knees, in my prayer closet, in true submission to God, I became so upset, because I had been praying and interceding for this person and I was still depressed. I wanted good things for them even though they were continuing to take actions that were devastating and hurtful to me and my finances. I cried out to God and asked Him why He wouldn't heal me from this pain and He told me so clearly, it's because I hadn't forgiven myself. 

That statement was so true and words so clear, that I literally just stopped crying. It was like the scenario of the toddler having a tantrum for candy, then when you give it to them they are immediately placed in a calm state. I hadn't forgiven myself. I was extremely angry with myself. I was so mad for choosing THAT person and going down THAT road.  A moment of transparency here: I met this person in April 2015 and in May 2015 God was VERY CLEAR that this person was not right for me. He was so clear that I wrote it in my journal, but you know what I did? I humanized it and explained it away. I told myself what God meant was…this relationship wouldn't work if I didn't change things about myself and this person didn't change things about themselves. I made it doable in my head. That wasn't fair for the other person, as they didn't know those plans and the expectations I had placed on them to fix some of the hurtful things they were doing in the relationship. 

What was happening was that I was so busy trying to meet a personal timeline of what I wanted in my life, that I failed to see that God knew what I needed. So, here I was now in January 2016, on my knees, heart broken, soul broken, mentally drained, completely pissed at myself for making that decision and I didn’t forgive myself. I was allowing this failed situation to define my identity, instead of looking at it as a failed event in my life. Why? Why was I taken this so hard? Because I didn't understand my worth. I didn't love myself. 

One of the most momentous and valuable decisions you can ever make in your life is discovering your worth and having an all encompassing love for yourself. I don't mean the love that involves a huge ego and arrogance. But the love where you love yourself through your mistakes, your flaws, your imperfections and also all the amazingly awesome things about yourself. I wasn't at that place with myself and when you aren't there, this affects so many facets of your life. It shows up in the quality of our relationships, career, faith and more. That's what had happened to me. I had accepted an abusive relationship because I thought I wasn't worthy of being with someone who spoke to me with respect. I thought, this person is so financially sound and will love my children unconditionally, so the least I can do is accept the flaws about them, because no one is perfect. 

Unfortunately it isn't that easy, because when we compromise love and respect for ourselves so many things suffer. We lose ourselves, we lose our purpose, we began to numb ourselves by shutting down. We lose our minds! Then before you know it, we are using medications to fix things that should be dealt with through the process of elimination. So, that night, on my knees, I knew I had work to do and Operation Learn to Love Myself began.

So, how do we began to work through that? How do we learn to love ourselves? First, we have to have a discovery period of what got us to this place. That means taking some time and looking at our past, from childhood issues, old beliefs and thoughts, as well as past events. Next, we have to escape the comparison trap. Society has placed this subconscious pressure on us to deliver the best on all these social media platforms. We find ourselves defining our worth based on materials, status, youth, money, attractiveness and romantic relationships. Finally, we have to shift our perspective. Again, not letting failures define our identity, but finding the value in the experience. 

God wants us to be happy and successful, yet we place limits on Him through the creation of our own timelines and expectations! We have to get excited about our future, understand our purpose and not be bound to our past. God promised to give us beauty for our ashes and it's our job to trust Him and know that the Best IS YET TO COME! 

If you are dealing with a lack of self-love I hope this blog was able to help you lay the ground work in building that love up for yourself. Remember that hurt people, hurt people. Therefore, make it your job to heal you so that you are able to present yourself wholly in your friendships, career, romantic relationship, etc.. 

Until next time, stay motivated, stay positive, and trust God! 

Please visit the Lovelee Motivation Facebook Page or Lovelee Motivation IG page to receive daily motivations and inspiration.

P.S. If you are not in immediate danger because of thoughts of suicide, but need someone to talk with about your suicidal feelings, please do not hesitate to call one of the following national suicide prevention lines: 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) or 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).