Buffering...

We are in control of how we respond to an event we can't control. 

My life is currently in a buffer. Do you ever feel that way? Like things pause, but they are trying to be in motion and you are STUCK on this one action and NEED it move forward to the next scene. But no, that one action, that one situation that you really don't want to deep dive into has that freaking icon on it...IT'S BUFFERING. Right now I am in a scene with the buffer circle and I want to break it! 

I've cried, I've gotten angry on the inside, I've taking my meds and I've PRAYED. So now what? Maybe I stop hitting the mouse and the keyboards and I ask myself "why?" And here I am blogging. Why is this happening? What am I supposed to learn from this devastating situation completely out of my control? How do I move forward? 

That's usually the process right? When the computer stalls, the YouTube video buffers, life gets crazy...What do we do? Our normal instincts are to go into fix-it mode, which sometimes leads to frustration, i.e. throwing an innocent mouse across the room. But how about, SURRENDER? Surrendering gives us a chance to reclaim our sanity. We are in control of how we respond to an event we can't control. We are in the position to walk away, breathe and analyze. Sometimes its hitting a hard reset and sometimes it's answering hard questions. 

So today in my pain, in my fury, as my life buffers, I walk away, I breathe and I ask...
Why is this happening God? What do you want me to learn from it? How do I move forward?

Buffer moments...sometimes simple...sometimes complex...
Why didn't I get that job? Why didn't that relationship work out? Why did my child make that poor decision? Why did I spend my hard earned bill money on a non-essential item that I can't return? Why can't my baby daddy behave and pay child support? Why is may manager making my life a living H-E-double hockey sticks? 

There's beauty in the buffer. There's insight in the buffer. Appreciate the buffer...

How do you handle your buffer moments? Be honest? Do you scream? Do you take it out on innocent bystanders, friends, and loved ones? I do sometimes...a matter of fact before I surrendered I started to block all of my friends who were not responding to my buffer the way I wanted them to respond. (Don't judge me!) Do you hurt yourself verbally or physically? 

I challenge you today, tonight, this moment to handle your current or next buffer from a space of grace and control. Step away. Breathe. Analyze. Can I be honest...when I don't do those things or let's say when I attempt to, but don't fully commit, then I hurt myself physically, I cut. Why, because I can control the cut, I can control the depth of the blade entrance, I can control the placement, I can control the quantity. But then I don't get to enjoy the buffer...a matter of fact, after the cutting ends I'm still buffering. The situation still exists.  

So take my challenge, rise to the occasion and love yourself, LOVE THAT FREAKING BUFFER, give it the tightest hug and show that buffer gratitude. I showed my buffer gratitude today and it was HARD. I can't tell my buffer situation, because it involves my child and that's a violation of her privacy. But it was a huge buffer. But I journaled through it and even though I am still weak from the buffer, the video is starting to play again, the website is beginning to load everything on the page. And remember what God told us is Matthew 11:28, Amplified version, “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavily burdened [by religious rituals that provide no peace], and I will give you rest [refreshing your souls with salvation]."

Until next time, stay motivated, stay positive, and trust God!
Please visit the Lovelee Motivation Facebook Page or Lovelee Motivation IG page to receive daily motivations and inspiration.

P.S. If you are not in immediate danger because of thoughts of suicide, but need someone to talk with about your suicidal feelings, please do not hesitate to call one of the following national suicide prevention lines: 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) or 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).