Are You Failing at Your Future?

Happy Thursday!!! I hope your week had an amazing start and that you are walking in it consciously and aware of your purpose. Going through the motions can suck, but when you have a plan and a strategy, it creates such clarity. Last week I dealt with a topic that had been a struggle for me and that was self-forgiveness. My ability to not forgive myself stemmed from events in my life that I held on to as my identity instead of something that happened. As humans we can do that, we can allow a mistake to define who we are instead of moving forward. We allow our experiences to dictate our future which can lead to poor decisions in relationships, careers, life, and our future in general.

It's so imperative that we heal from this way of thinking. God doesn't hold on to our sins, he forgives us immediately. We have to believe in our future, let go of our past and stay mindful of the present. Depression and anxiety is a result of living in the past. Yet, the past is the past. If we are present and operating in what is happening right now, today, not that relationship from 3 months ago, but today, not that poor career decision we made a few years ago, we are no longer bound to our past. We are able to look and believe we have a great future.

Letting go of the past does require acknowledgement and acceptance of your responsibility in what happened, but once you have achieved this, the sky is the limit! You are now able to freely focus on your future without confusion. Because when we are bound by our past its difficult to create a plan or a strategy, as we are basing our future on our past experiences. When you have an opportunity, take some time and really identify some of the things from your past that are holding you hostage. I have things I deal with till this day such as perfectionism, rejection, and abandonment. By making myself aware of those things, accepting that I have been holding on to them and intentionally working to release them, that has allowed my future to become so much brighter. It's left little room for depression because I haven't focused on what was, but what is to come!

Hold on to hope for your future, not the darkness and emptiness of your past. In 
Jeremiah 29:11, we are told that God is aware of his plans for us, plans of hope. "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Therefore, don't exclude God from your plans. He promises to prosper us!! That's so exciting to know that God wants us to have a prosperous life!! And as stated in Psalms 25:3, by placing hope in Him, we will never be put to shame.

Finish the week off strong with a sense of hope! Don't quit, don't give up, and don't write off your future with an F+! Deal with your past, let go of it, appreciate your present, and have hope in your future!

Until next time, stay motivated, stay positive, and trust God!
Please visit the Lovelee Motivation Facebook Page or Lovelee Motivation IG page to receive daily motivations and inspiration.

P.S. If you are not in immediate danger because of thoughts of suicide, but need someone to talk with about your suicidal feelings, please do not hesitate to call one of the following national suicide prevention lines: 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) or 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).

Self Love, Got Some?

Happy Hump Day!! We are half way through the week and I am feeling pretty pumped. Why am I so pumped? Uh, because I am like living, breathing, moving through the world with a sound mind! I get excited when I think about where I was mentally and emotionally 3-4 months ago in comparison to right now! 

I left off in my last blog touching on that awakening moment where I realized that I hadn't forgiven myself, which was leading to my depression. Picking back up from that place, I had been working on truly submitting to God, being more obedient with my time and my heart and listening when He would speak in my life. I was interceding diligently for my ex, a relationship that at the time I felt had left me broken. There was some verbal, mental and emotional abuse in that relationship which had left an imprint on my heart. Yet, my goal was to forgive and pray through that situation. I didn't want that relationship to be what would mark me from having a successful relationship in the future. I hadn't given up on love!

So, one night as I was on my knees, in my prayer closet, in true submission to God, I became so upset, because I had been praying and interceding for this person and I was still depressed. I wanted good things for them even though they were continuing to take actions that were devastating and hurtful to me and my finances. I cried out to God and asked Him why He wouldn't heal me from this pain and He told me so clearly, it's because I hadn't forgiven myself. 

That statement was so true and words so clear, that I literally just stopped crying. It was like the scenario of the toddler having a tantrum for candy, then when you give it to them they are immediately placed in a calm state. I hadn't forgiven myself. I was extremely angry with myself. I was so mad for choosing THAT person and going down THAT road.  A moment of transparency here: I met this person in April 2015 and in May 2015 God was VERY CLEAR that this person was not right for me. He was so clear that I wrote it in my journal, but you know what I did? I humanized it and explained it away. I told myself what God meant was…this relationship wouldn't work if I didn't change things about myself and this person didn't change things about themselves. I made it doable in my head. That wasn't fair for the other person, as they didn't know those plans and the expectations I had placed on them to fix some of the hurtful things they were doing in the relationship. 

What was happening was that I was so busy trying to meet a personal timeline of what I wanted in my life, that I failed to see that God knew what I needed. So, here I was now in January 2016, on my knees, heart broken, soul broken, mentally drained, completely pissed at myself for making that decision and I didn’t forgive myself. I was allowing this failed situation to define my identity, instead of looking at it as a failed event in my life. Why? Why was I taken this so hard? Because I didn't understand my worth. I didn't love myself. 

One of the most momentous and valuable decisions you can ever make in your life is discovering your worth and having an all encompassing love for yourself. I don't mean the love that involves a huge ego and arrogance. But the love where you love yourself through your mistakes, your flaws, your imperfections and also all the amazingly awesome things about yourself. I wasn't at that place with myself and when you aren't there, this affects so many facets of your life. It shows up in the quality of our relationships, career, faith and more. That's what had happened to me. I had accepted an abusive relationship because I thought I wasn't worthy of being with someone who spoke to me with respect. I thought, this person is so financially sound and will love my children unconditionally, so the least I can do is accept the flaws about them, because no one is perfect. 

Unfortunately it isn't that easy, because when we compromise love and respect for ourselves so many things suffer. We lose ourselves, we lose our purpose, we began to numb ourselves by shutting down. We lose our minds! Then before you know it, we are using medications to fix things that should be dealt with through the process of elimination. So, that night, on my knees, I knew I had work to do and Operation Learn to Love Myself began.

So, how do we began to work through that? How do we learn to love ourselves? First, we have to have a discovery period of what got us to this place. That means taking some time and looking at our past, from childhood issues, old beliefs and thoughts, as well as past events. Next, we have to escape the comparison trap. Society has placed this subconscious pressure on us to deliver the best on all these social media platforms. We find ourselves defining our worth based on materials, status, youth, money, attractiveness and romantic relationships. Finally, we have to shift our perspective. Again, not letting failures define our identity, but finding the value in the experience. 

God wants us to be happy and successful, yet we place limits on Him through the creation of our own timelines and expectations! We have to get excited about our future, understand our purpose and not be bound to our past. God promised to give us beauty for our ashes and it's our job to trust Him and know that the Best IS YET TO COME! 

If you are dealing with a lack of self-love I hope this blog was able to help you lay the ground work in building that love up for yourself. Remember that hurt people, hurt people. Therefore, make it your job to heal you so that you are able to present yourself wholly in your friendships, career, romantic relationship, etc.. 

Until next time, stay motivated, stay positive, and trust God! 

Please visit the Lovelee Motivation Facebook Page or Lovelee Motivation IG page to receive daily motivations and inspiration.

P.S. If you are not in immediate danger because of thoughts of suicide, but need someone to talk with about your suicidal feelings, please do not hesitate to call one of the following national suicide prevention lines: 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) or 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).

The Freaking F Word!

Happy Monday! I hope everyone is doing well and enjoyed their Valentine’s Day! Although I didn’t have a Valentine I did have a date with myself and Monica Van Daneede who hosted a Valentine’s webinar on “Contentment and Singleness.” It was pretty awesome and you should check her out . She is an amazing woman of God, with a blog and Periscope that always offers great God filled content. But back my blog and as promised, I told you we would get into that F-word!

What is Forgiveness?

So, just laying some ground work in the action of forgiveness. It is defined as the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, lets go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well.  One of the immediate things I began to work on after my last break up was forgiveness. The last thing I wanted was to have hatred towards a person that would leave a negative blemish in my heart. I would like to say I can be "pretty good with the F-Word, maybe 7 out of 10...depends on the person. Random thought, do you find it harder to forgive family then people that aren't blood? Ok, let me continue, we can circle back to that.

Forgiving doesn’t mean you have to...

When we forgive, it doesn’t mean forgetting, condoning or excusing offenses.  Forgiving my ex didn’t mean I was excusing the verbal and emotional abuse that I had accepted in that relationship. Also forgiving someone doesn’t mean you are condoning their behavior or even that you must reconcile the relationship. I am completely content with never having a friendship with my ex again. There are times where we have to recognize actions and behavior of an individual that are completely unhealthy for us and them. Therefore, some things are just better not rehashed or relived.  We should never expose ourselves to people, places, things that don’t ultimately bring us to a positive result.  That means purging and moving forward!

Why is it important we forgive?

Forgive for a sound mind!! Have you ever noticed how forgiving someone just brought peace of mind? When you forgive, you are able to release those feelings of depression, anger, resentment and replace them with gratefulness, love and happiness. And forgiving those that have wronged me allowed me to appreciate the good characteristics about that person. Let’s face it, none of us are perfect and we all have good qualities within us. 

Walking in unforgiveness we tend to focus on all the negative, but once you forgive you can revisit the situation from a totally different perspective. Looking back in my previous relationship I can now appreciate all the great experiences I was exposed to during that commitment. We had amazing weekend family activities with our kids, a lovely trip to Miami, a great weekend in the mountains and just lots of fun! Everything wasn’t bad and I could only take that in when I implemented forgiveness.

And did you know that unforgiveness can manifest as poison within your body? Various studies have shown holding grudges effects our immune system.  It's been linked to cancer! This is serious. We have to let go of things and release them so that our body can function in a healthy space and we can fend off negativity such as depression. 

But what happens when you don’t forgive yourself? That has been my biggest issue the last couple of months. I didn’t realize it at first.  I was so focused on forgiving the wrongs that had been done to me and ensuring I held no resentment towards that person. I was interceding for them in prayer every night, wishing them nothing but continued blessings in their life. But I was still struggling with my depression, till one night I found myself crying out to God as I prayed, asking him once again to heal me of my depression. To give me beauty for my ashes and that’s when God said,” Well not until you forgive yourself Sharonda.” I just sat there with my tears and my pain and I realized, I didn’t like myself. 

And that clearly sets me up for my next blog on working towards "Forgiving Ourselves."  I want to further tell my story regarding the resentment I had built up towards myself due to my own actions and delve into why we don’t forgive ourselves and later get into some steps I have had to take to move into the direction of self-forgiveness. 

What are some things that you have had to let go of to move into a positive space lately? 

Please visit the Lovelee Motivation Facebook Page or Lovelee Motivation IG page to receive daily motivations and inspiration.

P.S. If you are not in immediate danger because of thoughts of suicide, but need someone to talk with about your suicidal feelings, please do not hesitate to call one of the following national suicide prevention lines: 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) or 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).

Go.Set.Ready.

 Hello, it's been a while since I have blogged. I have been in such a deep place of prayer and reconnecting with God, that I just put blogging to the side. I wrote blogs, but I didn't feel moved to post them. 

So, to catch you up, I started a prayer challenge in December, then picked it up again with a friend in January, aiming for more accountability. It has been a great experience, I have grown closer to God. But it also gave me a sense of stall. I didn't want to do anything till I had it figured out. What does God want me to do, with my blog, with my photography, with my life? It was like I was doing all this research and prayer, but not moving. I couldn't figure out if that was me being lazy or Him causing the stall? 

Well last week I read a chapter in my prayer challenge about being "ready." We are never really ready, yet the saying is "Ready, Set, Go" when in actuality is should be "Go, Set, Ready." So, after more prayer, God placed it on my heart to start blogging again and I just didn't really know what to say. I didn't know where to start, but God advised me he would give me the words. And that's where I've been.

I don't feel quite ready, because I'm still in the struggle of mental stability. Yet, that was the whole purpose of this blog, to take you through my journey with depression and life. I have had some major self discovery in the last couple of months, as I struggled with self-forgiveness and discontentment.  It's been a process. Sometimes we try to make ourselves a victim of our circumstances and although I have tried to not do that, I internalized it in a way of criticizing my decisions and really not forgiving myself for not listening to God. So, I did make myself into a victim and created bouts of depression. 

But, here I am "Go. Ready. Set." I feel stronger today then I felt 2 weeks ago, a month ago, 2 months ago, 3 months ago. But it's still a journey and you can join me as I work through deliverance from discontentment and forgiveness. It's already been an incredibly healing process in just the last couple of weeks. Depression doesn't just come. No illness just arrives. We are exposed to something, whether it's a germs to get a cold or bad food for a stomach ache, there is always a cause and being aware and conquering the true "why"" will moves us closer to deliverance. God, never wanted us to live a life of instability! He wants us to have a sound mind. 

In my next blog I will share with you ways to move towards forgiving yourself and claiming your self worth. Sometimes we don't feel worthy, and there are many reasons for that and we will dig in and find ways to conquer those demons. 

Happy Valentines Day!! 
Even if you aren't currently coupled, remember God loves you and I'm also sending lots of virtual love your way!